Diary of a Country Girl

It's a New Year!

2012-01-06T08:53:00.002Z

Sadly in the old year dear Charles passed away and I lost my motivation to keep my diary. I shall miss him enormously. Well my mojo is back and to see out the old year it was my turn to throw the NYE party for Gilbert and Antoinette, Esme, Reggie and Bryony and a few others. I hope everyone enjoyed it, I certainly did but it did occur to me the next morning that someone must have been topping up my glass all night, whilst I was blissfully unaware. I think the word "Zombie" comes to mind. Oh dear!
New Year Resolution - only one - to lose 1/2 stone immediately. I am not alone Emily and Camilla are both on the same kick. My needs are greatest as I am going skiing soon and do not wish to cart extra weight up the mountain because at my age the heart will give out! and anyway I cannot get into my ski pants. Emily had a few days on the mountain before Christmas and she has major weight to lose before her return next season, so she is starting NOW! Camilla has just returned from the mountains!
I cannot tell you how marvellous it is to get up in the morning and have no punters to deal with. I doss about in my P J's, download the newspapers and take at least an hour over my non existent breakfast drinking coffee but which time the caffine kick starts my day! And so it is, I shall go and feed my pregnant mares and then off I go to Emily's for a brisk walk and 30 minutes on her cross trainer. We are spurring each other on! I decided to let my gym membership lapse on the grounds that it would cost twice as much in diesel to get there each month as the membership itself. Going to Emily's is the cheaper option. I have even got my bicycle out of the garage, but it currently has a flat tyre!
Onwards and upwards!

2011-08-12T10:15:00.005+01:00

I was sitting at the kitchen table minding my own business when I received an email from my lawyers. My little land deal has apparently NOT been concluded. I was informed that the land I am selling I do not own! They had taken my instructions over 4 months ago and planning permission was obtained. How difficult is that. I was furious and hot footed it to their offices only to find out that of course I don't own it - it was NOT the piece I was selling! Now my blood pressure was near to bursting. What has this bloody partner been doing for 4 months at £200. per hour. Luckily for her she was not in the office as her father had died otherwise she would have felt the full force of my wrath. It did occur to me briefly that the new 4 wheel drive I am about to buy would have to be down graded from a Porsche to something else! Easy come, easy go! I explained to the lawyer that both parties had no more time to wait while they sort this muddle out - myself needing to put up a post and rail fence to keep the horses in, and the other party have the demolition squad in already to remove buildings from the existing site - so we take a flyer and move on! I suppose I shall receive payment in due course, if I have not died from exhaustion in the meantime!
Families - I have 3 families in at the moment with 3,2 and 1 children respectively. I cannot say how positively ghastly this is. Today the lot with 3 kids spilt orange juice all over the table and the floor, were very noisy and flushed out the remaining guests. Then they themselves left the dining room so I cleared everything away only for them to return asking where their toast had gone! In the bin I told them! Maybe tomorrow they will all sit at the table until they've finished. The cleaner said their room looks like Dunkirk. Where have all the manners gone? I am informed this is the 21st century child. I never had any trouble with Camilla when she was small, she was the model child and we frequented posh hotels. You couldn't taken any one of my child guests near a decent hotel. Shocking!
I know this is the 21st century - you only have to look around my house. Nearly all the sockets were taken! Charging were the iPod, the iPad, the MacBook, the mobile, the bluetooth, the camera and the toothbrush. I think I must take out shares in the electricity companies.

2011-08-11T10:04:00.004+01:00

Oh shit! I am absolutely knackered. I have been putting in 16 hour days it's no wonder myself is getting thinner. " All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". Work hard, play hard - well I am fed up with working hard but it will soon be time to play hard.
With this in mind I have been in touch with my tailor in the Emerald Isle to get myself fitted for a new coat before the winter sets in. I have booked my flights and mean to spend a few days there while he takes my measurements!
I had some guests booked in from the internet, which means they were paying top dollar. I add the commission on to take it off! When they checked in he was a bit grumpy but being so busy I thought no more about it. I had just concluded a little land deal and so my maintenance man had to go and move a water trough back 20m. I hired a little digger which he used but unfortunately he bored right through the pipe so now I have no water and the grumpy couple cannot make a cup of tea! This was just a little irritation but not of my making. Yesterday morning just after breakfast he rings the bell to tell me the shower is not working. Well is was working when the room was cleaned! I asked him if he had lifted the knob and he said he had done everything but it wouldn't work. That's all I bloody need. This internet site has a feedback page so I go the extra mile to please. I went into the bathroom with him following and tried the shower and whoosh out came the water! The power of the water went straight over my head (because I was bending over) and got him full frontal, soaked from head to foot. That will teach the bugger! So from being grumpy he was now double grumpy! They left this morning and thanked me for the stay and said they had a lovely time. Yeah right. I suppose I will have to wait for the feedback. Watch this space.
I took Antoinette out for lunch and we went to a another little beach cafe that I know. We had the moules which were positively scrumptious, sat outside with a bottle of Rose and it was just like being on our holidays in France, except we weren't in France! On our way home we called in on Victoria who has now got her little puppy - sweet.
Cynthia and Frazer are coming over from Canada next week to get their new born christened - I do hope the weather will be sunny for this special day. Today is Emily's birthday. Today she is picking up her new iPad and she has just bought a brand new bicycle with a basket on the front, for shopping! She already has a mountain bike she never uses! I told her to buy a Pashley, that's the only shopping bicycle to have - but unfortunately it doesn't have enough gears for her! She has bought a Raleigh with 17 gears - I mean how many gears do you need when you are shopping. Someone will probably nick it when she is in Waitrose.

2011-08-03T22:00:00.002+01:00

Oh dear Oh dear. I took time out yesterday to take Camilla for her birthday lunch to my favourite beach cafe as it was a lovely sunny day. The food was sublime and we had a bottle of wine and it was all very leisurely - Bliss. All in all I was away from my gaff for nearly 6 hours. I had nobody to check in so I did not see the need to return. Big mistake. 4 hours later after checking the animals, watering the garden, doing the laundry and ironing, walking the dog etc. etc. all in an alcoholic haze I was a zombie. That will teach me. I almost missed the boat for breakfasts this morning. The alarm went off at 6.30 a.m. as usual but I went back to sleep. Holy shit I just made it for first breakfast at 7.30 a.m. I whizzed around like a lunatic did breakfasts, took money and then shot out of the door to the hairdresser. My hair looks great but it took longer than usual - hairdresser had eaten something dodgy, so one minute he was cutting my hair and the next he was in the loo! This happened 3 times! He had taken some Imodium but it was clearly not working! I whizzed back home and cleaned the bedrooms, cleaner off today and then whizzed into the dentist. He kept me waiting 20 minutes - what's all that about I am a private patient, how dare he! I was in the chair for 10 minutes and the teeth were declared very good. This happens twice a year and I have worked out that this bloke is earning over £300.00 an hour. I should have been a dentist! I raced back home and then did the laundry and thought I would visit my dear friend in the nursing home. When I got there he was on the commode so I went into the dining room and sat down to make a couple of calls. When I got up my trousers were soaking wet right through to my knickers! Bloody hell some inmate had wet themselves and now I had been sitting in it - that's all I bloody need! I washed my bum in the shower and changed into my friend's trousers which were I bit on the large side - 3 of me would get into them, and came home. This was most inconvenient as I had wanted to stop for an ice cream in the local shop but as I was now looking like a complete head case that wasn't possible! I think it was at this point I went into meltdown. I put washing powder in the dog's bowl instead of the washing bowl, I filled the kettle with cold water and poured it into the bowl instead of putting it on the Aga - I was trying to wash my trousers and pants but clearly lost the plot. At this point it was time for a glass (or two) of wine! Camilla was obviously concerned when I didn't answer the mobile so she came round looking for me! It was on charge upstairs and I didn't hear it - what's the problem?
Pressure what pressure - I have just booked a little holiday at the end of the season to Tresco - I need peace and as there is now only one hotel there and it costs an arm and a leg that should do it!

2011-07-30T20:03:00.003+01:00

The bad news is that I am displaying Basil Fawlty tendencies - the good news is I recognise it! I seem to have a pile of idiots staying at the moment. The problem is with this credit crunch I am forced to take anyone who I would not normally take. I have a family of Pakistanis who order full English breakfasts and then do not eat them and do not know what to do with their knives and forks. Today they left their rooms at 2.00 p.m. what's all that about - `B & B' is exactly that, not hanging around in my gaff - anyway they are leaving tomorrow. I have a family complete with dog in the house! In the house, I mean, even the greyhound is not allowed up the stairs! And yes I have another family who keep knocking on my door wanting this and that. She wanted extra pillows so I asked her if she had looked in the cupboard, which of course she hadn't. It was the tone of my voice which was a bit disconcerting so I must get a grip. These people are paying for my horses - I must not lose sight of this. I have phoned the cleaner and asked if she will work extra time, which thankfully she will otherwise I will become very grumpy! Only another 8 weeks to go and then I can bugger off on holiday. Hopefully the sun will shine next week and Sybil and I can tootle off to my favourite beach cafe.
The Duchess had a runner in Deauville today, it was 4th beaten by something off a low weight She did not go because her sister's mother-in-law is having a 90th birthday party tomorrow and the Duchess is expected to be there. Why - it's not her MIL! Her sister is very tricky so she decided she had better keep the peace. If that was my horse it would be a no brainer - stuff the sister and the MIL!
I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to read a newspaper. I bought one on the way to the pub for lunch - roast pork, crackling and all the trimmings. I know it is the summer but I had this craving - that sorted I will not need another roast until the winter! Anyway the point about the newspaper is it crackles and has texture. I haven't read a paper since I don't know when, mainly due to getting the Racing Post the Telegraph and Mail online daily. Saves on time and the petrol going to the newsagent which is a 4 miles round trip. At this rate I will soon be reading books on my Ipad. Don't quite know how that is going to work when I am lying in the bath.

2011-07-28T19:37:00.003+01:00

It is not a good idea to go walking across the farm with dog and stick in flip flops. If I am still living, breathing and mobile even when I am 100 years old I am sure I will still be picking ragwort! I set out to check on the nags and saw a bit of ragwort so I jumped over the fence and before I knew it I had covered 2 fields and had handfuls of the stuff. How does this happen I only walked the bloody fields last week! It's no good people telling me that sheep are the answer - I don't have any bloody sheep and I don't have my paddocks fenced with sheep wire, because likely as not the nags will get their feet caught up in it. Apart from that even though I say it myself, my little farm looks bloody marvellous. I phoned my cattle procurer and asked him to find me 5 or 6 dexter cattle about a year old. If it rains I will have too much grass and the nags will get too fat so I need more animals eating it. Oh this farming lark - my work is never done!
My trainer phoned - he is very pleased with number 2 horse, lovely mover. I told him NOT to phone me - usually when a trainer phones it's bad news. In future I will always phone him, otherwise I shall have a nervous breakdown expecting for bad news. No news is good news! He wanted to know if he could parade him at his Open Day being famously related to my posh horse. I told him yes, but now I need to name him and have 7 days to come up with one as he needs to be photographed and entered in the brochure. This is a problem as I have been trying to think of a suitable name for 2 years and haven't come up with one yet - the pressure's ON! What does he need a brochure for? His yard is full this season and he has overspill. Pain in the arse!
On the B & B front August is looking bleak. Credit crunch is biting. With this in mind this weekend I have filled the place to the gunnels taking anything and everything! I have had children who have daily spilt their bloody orange juice and milk all over the tablecloths. More washing. Now I have a dog in the house! In the house - I have never had a dog in the house! If the greyhound smells it she will go mental - you know, on her turf and all that. Needs must, nags to pay for! Emily and I may be sending nags to Lydia for schooling. She is coming next week to assess the situation. That means another bloody nag to pay for - it's just like school fees. Thank for lord Camilla left school many years ago - now I'm spending her inheritance until she produces me some grandchildren!
I am waiting for punters to check in as I blog - had a couple of glasses of wine and now about to have a lobster for supper - eat your heart out!

2011-07-27T09:08:00.002+01:00

Oh my goodness - I have dropped another 2lbs! Excellent news. I have told Camilla to let me know when I start looking ghostly because too thin in persons of a certain age is not a good look! Of late I have been eating lots of shellfish with salad. Lobsters, crabs, prawns and tonight I am off with Camilla and Radley for supper at a little seafood haunt for 'Moules night'. Wednesday night is Moules night. It is a place much talked about but I have never been before.
The dressage persons have now departed and I am left having to cook breakfasts again. They all enjoyed themselves immensely and said they will be returning for the next competitions in 6 months time! Well apart from the bank balance probably looking wobbly at that time of the year - it means I will have to put the heat on! Heat costs money! Can't really ask guests to put more jumpers on can I even if they are all my NBF's.
Yesterday I had a good go in the garden pruning the roses and cutting back the debris - my arms are now scratched to bits - not a good look for going out sleeveless tonight. Have briefly been in touch with Sybil who has had American guests staying - self invited - well the cheek of it, but what else would you expect from Americans although I am sure they were very nice. I do hope they took her and George out for dinner to somewhere very, very posh for the privilege. Camilla visited and got the military vehicle and the monkey bike going. I think she wants to take the bike with her to race meetings to save her legs and it will just about fit in her car. It has a bit of a fierce clutch! I had a go and kangaroo hopped out of the yard. Too much throttle and before you know it you would have done a somersault! Off I went and on my journey, stalled it. By the time I had got it going again I arrived back later than expected - Radley was much concerned as to my whereabouts - Bless!
I received an email from Antoinette saying that our proposed excursion to Spain appeared to be off as Betty is now quite possibly coming to England for September. Just as well I had not emptied out the airing cupboard to try and find my jodhpurs, although I think I will, just to see if I can get in them, but as Emily pointed out, jodhpurs these days have come a long way from the ones we used to wear! I suppose therefore I shall be winging my way to Cornwall with the Duchess. Geraldine is playing golf, although with a restrained swing - I do hope she isn't getting beaten too many times! She is now in the process of sharing a pouch with her daughter, which I very much approve of.

2011-07-25T09:19:00.004+01:00

I have been very remiss at keeping my diary. It's not easy when one is flat out with work! I can't exactly remember what has been going on for the past week but the nags went off into training. I says nags, the posh one and now his brother who is the apple of my eye, which probably means he will be a pile of old rubbish - time will tell. I phoned my trainer to see how they were settling in and poor loves they have had their herpes jabs so have been on the walker for several days! It has to be done you never know what germs you may catch at the races!
I met Victoria for lunch mid week. When her dog died 6 months ago she said that was it. Well that wasn't it - she has just got herself another one (well she picks it up next week). It is a Parsons Terrier bitch and is going to be called Gertrude, Gertie for short - I knew she couldn't live without one.
I have had the best guests staying at the moment. They have come from overseas for a Dressage competition which means they never eat breakfast as they have to be at the stables to feed their nags first thing - well obviously the horses come first. I am going to watch them when their slot comes up as Emily and Camilla have been talking of taking up dressage. It is a discipline I have never mastered - I never know which leg is leading underneath me half the time and who can do a 'flying change'! Camilla can - she was very good at it in her pony club days.
Antoinette and I went out to the pub to meet Betty who is over from Spain - she flew out at 6.30a.m. this morning! I mean who in their right mind flies at that time of the day? As we parked in the car park there was a sign saying 'free pudding for the over 60's'.
We had a very good meal and much laughter. The young girl behind the bar told Betty how much she loved her boots and trousers. That's a compliment for us old 'uns when the youngsters covet our clothes. Betty was wearing 5" heels and drainpipe trousers - I am sure I don't know how she managed to stay upright - My days of teetering in such shoes are long gone. Too much time spent in muckers and wellies if you ask me! Under NO circumstances would Betty let us have a pudding - she was not going to declare our ages at any cost! It was decided that Antoinette and I shall visit her at the end of September for a few days. We are going to go riding in the Sierra Nevada mountains (Betty lives in the mountains), well that is to say Betty and I are going riding, Antoinette is going to lounge by the infinity pool with a bottle of vino. I have no clue if I can even get into my jodhpurs - not more dieting!

2011-07-18T18:51:00.004+01:00

I have had to take the greyhound to the vet today. She has been hobbling for 2 days so I put a poultice on it, but that didn't work. It turns out she has an infection that travelled up her claw and into her foot - 10 days of antibiotics. I guess that short visit will cost me dear! I don't know where the time has gone I have been full up with punters and am absolutely puffed out - but rich!
I went to another party and yes we had the staple party food again. There were about 100 of us and no table plan thank goodness. I looked at the assembled crowd and had no intention of sitting next to 80% of them. I managed to manoeuvre myself about the place until I was sitting on a very good table (of which there were only two). Phew! I was sitting next to Felicity and a good horse crowd. Felicity had the bad luck to take everything on offer and said the Coronation chicken was as hard as bullets. That serves her right!
I hurried off down the country to pick up some furniture that had been on order for 8 weeks, the painter has been in and finished off my little job so now I just have to coordinate the other tradesmen and hopefully next project will be finished by the weekend. Mid week I tootled off to lunch with Cecily and Maud to my favourite beach cafe, blissful the sun was shining and the seafood was simply delicious, yet again - I could live down there. Maud had had some Australians staying and on the morning of departure the chap said he wasn't feeling too well - Can't have been her breakfast as he didn't eat it! Anyway they paid up and left but an hour later returned to see if they could stay another night as he was still feeling poorly - then presto - right in front of Maud's eyes he collapsed. Maud rang for an ambulance, he had no pulse! Next thing the air ambulance turned up and much to Maud's annoyance landed right in her newly planted maize crop. The chap had had a massive heart attack! No wonder he wasn't feeling very well! Fancy having a dead 'un on the doorstep. We did all wonder what happened to him next - was he shipped home whole or do you suppose he was cremated and taken home as ashes. If that were to happen to me I would go home as ashes - it would be cheaper on the plane!
Camilla has given me her old mobile and when she transferred my numbers they all went hickledy pickledy. It took me three hours to re-arrange them - it would probably have been quicker to start from scratch. Today it's her birthday and I am still no nearer to getting grand children, but I suppose she has a boyfriend so that's a start!
Oh dear oh dear, poor old Charlie. What a frightful scandal - fancy having your wife being plastered all over the newspapers, all over the internet and the television, day after day and then being arrested for 12 hours - what must he be thinking? The Duchess and I are keeping a close eye on matters!

2011-07-09T17:50:00.004+01:00

Poof! Had far too much to drink! Been out to luncheon - tee hee got into LBD just with the aid of magic knickers! These are hideous contraptions because where ever you trap the fat it has got to come out somewhere! Anyway I hope it was well disguised!
Now washed and hanging on the Aga ready for tomorrow for next party. Hopefully will fit into Armani suit - well I must knock 'em dead mustn't I?
Today's party was entertaining although yes - cold beef, poached salmon and guess what - coronation chicken - AGAIN! When will party people ever learn? I had double helpings of rare roast beef only - let's face it who wants poached salmon and coronation chicken! The booze flowed freely and so it should for birthday party - let's face it we are only on this planet for a short time and we must make the most of it. The Duchess picked me up on the way past and transported me home again. Bless her. Charles and Esme were in attendance along with about some 60 other people. Charles was on good form I am pleased to report, I just love him to pieces. It's just a thing I have. The Duchess and I are going to holiday to her little abode by the river in late September and then we are off to N. Ireland where she is going to have a pointer in training. This will relieve some of the boredom of the winter. Esme, Angie and I have decided it would be a good thing to take up walking although I could not get Esme interested in walking the Wicklow Way! I shall have to do this walk on my own unless Camilla wants to do it! Anyway Angie thought it a good idea that we might walk the Giant's Causeway to Belfast and Esme agreed, so we may do this at sometime in the future. I stay at an excellent hotel in the middle of Belfast (for racing) and a stones throw away from my favourite restaurant over there, Cayenne, Paul Rankin's gaff.
I have checked in all my guests - thank heavens for foreigners this weekend, they comprise 80% of my bookings, obviously they have the money. I have in New Zealanders, Germans, Italians and Dutch an a couple of Brits. The Brits in the working class obviously have no money to spend on holidays. Oh dear, they have no money because they overspent in this age of consumerism and this has now come back to bite them! Serves them right - but this is of no help to my business!
Not only do I possess an Apple Mac I now am the proud owner of an iPad. All this technology is too much to behold! I am not quite attached at the hip to the iPad as I do not quite know how to use it but I am getting to grips with it. What next - an iPhone?
The nags are fit and well. The best vet in the whole of the kingdom has visited and proclaimed my second horse well and can go into training (albeit his knee is a bit squiffy - but apparently nothing to worry about!). So posh horse and half brother will be out an away in another 3 weeks. Just watch Camilla's inheritance being squandered away! And then I learn that Brendan has a couple of legs in some nags, and he should know better, and not only that but Bill has just sold his best pointer to Camilla's ex boyfriend's mother for a vast sum, but she can afford it! Good old Bill! Apparently she is a bad loser so I hope the nag comes up to expectations!

2011-07-07T21:21:00.005+01:00

Punters have been a bit thin on the ground this week so for the past 3 days I have been painting. Not picture painting but house painting. My builder has finished my little project and has now moved outside to the garden. What a bloody stupid occupation painting and decorating is. It is soooooooo boring and samey. Anyway I have broken the back of it and have now decided to call in the professional for the gloss work and the cutting in! The end product will look amazing - well of course it will - I am in charge!
Victoria is off to Hampton Court Flower Show tomorrow for two days - well one day in a hotel and lunching by the river and then a little boat sailing to Hampton Court - just like Thomas a Becket. He got murdered in the end - I do hope Victoria will not meet the same fate! I have been watching the flower show on the TV and have sent Victoria on a little mission. Roses, I must have roses, and now I not only want "Dorothy Perkins" but "Camelot" and hopeful V can seek them out for me. The builder is going to build me a pergola especially for them.
At the beginning of the week I had a couple of Germans staying. Well I will take anything when it's thin on the ground. They left and when I went into the bedroom I found that they have been fiddling with the television/DVD. Brilliant, all the instructions were left in German and it took me 40 minutes to sort that out and auto tune it again - I don't have 40 minutes to waste!
All my lettuce have gone to seed in the greenhouse, I can't eat them fast enough and next week the cucumbers will be coming on stream thick and fast, the tomatoes are following on slowly behind. My hay crop has been cut and baled and safely stacked without a drop of rain on it - it smells rather good so I do hope the horses and cattle will like it this winter. I have an abundance of sloes in the hedgerows, so in another couple of months there will be plenty of sloe gin to be made - I haven't finished last year's yet.
I am stuffed full to the gunnels this weekend and Camilla is going to come and help with the breakfasts as I have to go partying on both days and have no wish to arrive completely worn out. I am so popular!

2011-07-03T22:11:00.005+01:00

I am completely irresponsible! I bumped into Emily this evening and we went to the pub to while away the time. We had a good old gossip and a bit of a laugh. This is all very well but being late home I still had to do the ironing, check on the nags, feed the birds and water the greenhouse. Now it's bedtime - where does the time go?
The week fairly buzzed by. I had a supper party which was good, although I don't think I was paying attention. Along with the
delicious lobsters, crabs and prawns I added some whelks. I purchased them from my supplier and as I was in a hurry I just picked them up from the counter along with the crabs. The crabs were cooked so I assumed that the whelks were cooked too! It was not until Antoinette and Brendan were muttering about them not coming out of their shells that I realised they were raw - by which time Antoinette had already eaten one! Whoops. I threw the rest in a saucepan in stuck them on the Aga for 15 minutes everything was fine. Much laughter, champagne and wine followed. Unfortunately Charles was a bit poorly so he did not rock up for supper. Probably just as well - it wouldn't do for him to be eating raw whelks!
I went with Felicity to visit the Duchess and walk around her gaff and see her nags - my god she had 36 horses about the place - this is madness - but who cares, she can afford it. Then we had supper which was all very nice. Her garden is quite lovely and the birdsong is something to behold.
My newly laid tarmac is not seeming to like the hot weather and I have got some patches which are chewing up. I phoned the supplier and we had a meeting to address the situation. He obviously thought he was dealing with a dopey female! Big mistake!
Anyway he has now gone off to get the boss out as I made it quite clear I was not about to be paying for any remedial work - this guy chose the wrong person to take the mickey out of.
Camilla went off to Wembley to see Robbie Wiliams and said he was amazing, so were Take That, but not as amazing as RW. Maybe some obscure TV channel will have bought the rights and it may tip up there later. I just love RW.
I tootled off to a great luncheon party this weekend. All the usual suspects (some 200 of us) were there and it was enormous fun. I am sure it was the same marquee that daughter had wedding reception in some 7ish years ago. That marriage is now on the rocks - but the reception at the time was excellent. Mine hosts certainly know how to throw a party. They had an oyster bar there and 3 'shuckers' how cool is that! Well I just love oysters and had at least a dozen, probably more, I lost count. Antoinette was knocking them back - it was just like being in France again! Charles was on extremely good form, he was languishing outside in the sun so I took him a big plateful of oysters. This was followed by a Hog Roast which was simply delicious. I was quite exhausted by the end of it and had had far too much to drink. Still cannot get into LBD so now completely of the booze and back on the bacon diet. I have 2 parties to go to next weekend and do need LBD for one of them!

2011-06-26T20:38:00.005+01:00

Cynthia has had a baby boy. Well done old girl. Charles and Esme are grandparents. Well Charles is already a grandparent and a great grandparent but Esme is a grandparent for the first time. The Duchess and I are so envious - we want to be grandparents too! Because Cynthia has had her spog in Canada we are going to to wet the baby's head in her absence. This is happening this week. Gilbert and Antoinette are coming round as is Charles. Esme is away with Rachel - she will be sorry! Hillie and Brendan are also coming (they are bringing the champagne). We are going to have a FABULOUS fruits de mer. When I do seafood, I DO seafood. As soon as Camilla heard the menu she is hot footing it back from France to be in attendance!
I went to the hairdressers yesterday - I turned up the week before by mistake - I don't think it was my mistake, I think it was the stupid receptionist - who knows? I have to book an appointment 6 months in advance, but if you want the best this is what you have to do. I am now booked in the for next year. Anyway I have had a style change and 82 quid later I am still thinking about it, although someone did say I was looking younger every day - so it must be worth the money! I positively must look my best for a party next weekend. As of, I still cannot get into my LBD, but I still have a few days to go! The diet continues!
Geraldine is off to Ibiza tomorrow with her sister - I do hope she doesn't frazzle. It has been so hot here today I could only manage 1 hour in the sunshine, trying to top up my suntan then I thought I was going to melt. My next door neighbour phoned to say he thought it would be a plan to cut my grass tomorrow and make some hay, so instead of languishing in the cool I had to plod round the fields to check for ragwort before the grass is cut. That took 2 hours and now I am burnt to a cinder - I am sure my nose will peel! How is this going to look?
I went out last night and isn't it sods law - when I returned my guests were banging on the door as their lights has fused and they were in the dark. This is the second time this week that this has happened. What am I meant to do - stay in! I think in future I will have to check people in and then show them where the fusebox is, just in case! If they want someone on site all of time they will have to pay more - I"m not a bloody hotel!

2011-06-23T09:20:00.004+01:00

Since I was stung by the wasps I have not felt the need to revisit the garden shed, mostly because I had forgotten all about it. When I was doing the lawn mowing it occurred to me that I had better go and have a look to see where the nest was. Amazing, it has been constructed and stuck on the inside of the shed door, which I had left flapping in the breeze. It is so intricate in it's construction, made from a papery pulp comprised of chewed up wood fibres and saliva - that's a lot of spitting and gnawing if you ask me - I had never seen a wasps' nest before. My first instinct was to exterminate them, but I decided to google them instead and have now decided that they are not interfering which anyone, well except me, as I have no wish to go in the shed and get the garden furniture out. It's only sunbeds for the guests to lounge on, and as I have no wish for them to lounge about in my garden the beds are best left where they are. It will save me moving them each time I mow! Wasps prey on flies, caterpillars, bugs, spiders etc and generally do a good job in the environment - maybe that's why I don't seem to have any flies in the kitchen!
I have a family of magpies living in the garden. The parents are teaching the young to take food from my bird table which is annoying the hell out of me. Firstly because I have to continually salute the buggers, otherwise bad things might happen, and also they are taking my little birds' food. I have now erected some blank CDs on a pole which flap in the breeze in the vain hope of scaring them off. This course of action did not work on the boat when trying to keep the seagulls from crapping all over the deck, but I hope it will be more successful in the garden!
I have been invited to supper with Sybil tomorrow night - lobsters are apparently on the menu - this is more like it - I can't say I have ever had coronation chicken in her house, well why would you? I will have to make sure that I get my guests checked in early so I won't be late.
My number 2 horse has bashed his knee and after 6 weeks it has still not gone down - this is very annoying. I have had to call (in mine Felicity's and the Duchess's opinion ) the best vet in the country to visit next week. The Duchess and I are madly in love with him. Emily and I have been in love with him for more than 20 years!

2011-06-21T21:01:00.002+01:00

Today is the longest day and tomorrow the nights start drawing in. Hooray! All my days are long - what's new. Why is it that something goes wrong every sodding day? I fed my guests and the cleaner came in, I did the laundry and then thought I would finish off the lawn mowing, namely the woodland garden and the stables garden. As I was in a hurry I thought I would use the ride on mower to mow the summerhouse garden (usually done with push mower). I completely misjudged the gap to get in and got the mower stuck between a post and the wall. It wouldn't go forward and it wouldn't go backwards! Great. Because it is hydrostatic l couldn't turn the engine off as it goes nowhere like that. Fortunately in the garage I have a 2.5 ton jack, well actually I have every conceivable tool and gadget, but the jack was what I wanted. I pulled it down the garden and jacked up the mower so that I could saw off the post which was stopping me reversing. Job sorted but now I will have to get the gardener to replace the post next week. What could possibly go wrong tomorrow? One step forward, two steps back! Tiddley pom!
I lost the greyhound while all this was going on. 2 hours went by and I decided she had lived here long enough and should know her way home, so I was not going to spend any time looking for her - unfortunately I had locked her in the garage when I returned the jack. Whoops!
Camilla has been in touch from sunny Spain. She is getting a nice suntan, eating plenty of seafood and drinking plenty of Rose - did I want to know this when I am on a bacon diet. I lost one pound yesterday! She is flying back tomorrow evening and then at the crack of sparrows she is off to Dijon racing returning next week before swanning off to Goodwood for the Festival of Speed. All play no work if you ask me. Her new beau has a stand there or something of the sort. Not one but two petrolheads!
I am pleased to report that I have kept the Riddley Tiddleys alive for 21 days. They picked up their repaired car yesterday and dropped off the courtesy car. Unknown to them, but known to me, they had damaged the front of the courtesy car so that's another insurance claim. I wonder what Saga Insurance think of that! They are leaving tomorrow to return up country. I asked them which route they were taking and they said up the motorway! Driving up the motorway at 90 years of age should be banned!
They have now been replaced by a nearly as old couple who have checked in for a fortnight. He is a retired vicar. Everything will be OK as long as he does not start preaching. Actually they are very nice and have been before, bless them.

2011-06-20T18:00:00.004+01:00

I didn't have many punters in after the weekend, so in my head I had mapped out my day. Cook breakfasts leave cleaner in charge and shoot off to the shops for a day of retail therapy. Yeah right - in theory this was a plan, but the best laid plans which I make seem to go astray. The cleaner reported that we seemed to have a bunged up drain as flushing one of the toilets it all backed up! Out I went and got the drain rods - is there nothing I cannot lay my hand too! Screwed them all together a rod at a time and poked them down the drain which was running under the length of the house. Why oh why do I live in such a big house! I hit the blockage and then we were quite stuck so I ran some hot bath water and let that go. No joy. I thought it would be a good idea to come from the other end and when I pulled the rods out, holy shit, the plunger rod had disconnected from the rest - so now I had this lodged somewhere under the house! Whilst I was cursing the bloody guests and wondering what they might have flushed down the toilet I started to panic as I was now in bigger shit than before I began. I dragged all the rods to the other end of the house and pushed back the other way and thank the lord, I managed to push the plunger out. Phew! After some more rodding - bingo - job done. The culprit - fat! I pushed out the equivalent of 3 blocks of lard. I thought I was very careful what went down my sink - clearly not. From now on I shall follow Charles' example. All breakfast plates will be put on the kitchen floor for the greyhound to clean before I wash them. Easier for the greyhound to get bunged up rather than my drains! Who needs Dyno-Rod when there is me. Too late now to go shopping so I mowed the lawn before the rain came in. On Saturday I had two big branches come down in the garden so out I went with my saw and chopped them up and removed them. Is there no end to my talents?
Yesterday I went out for lunch to the most flimsy of my stiffies. I was late arriving as I had very much work to do beforehand. I am very fond of the hosts. One look around and I did wonder why I had accepted - free lunch I suppose! There was a table plan, but all tables looked as bad as the next. I was seated on Table No 8. I had William on my left - I knew him in my old life but he was now so decrepit he did not know who I was, only my name as it was on the place card! He asked me what did I do with my life "play bridge all afternoon and evening"! I don't know what he thought I did in the mornings. When I said no it was not my bag he asked if I played bowls! Oh joy! To eat, we were offered a buffet of roast beef (not pink enough), coronation chicken (why in heaven's name did the Cordon Bleu School devise this dish for the Coronation in 1953) poached salmon and all the usual salads, couscous, beans etc. - I seem to have had this meal last week with Sybil at the charity luncheon - How many more of the same will I have to endure before the summer is over? After the dessert I made my apologies and said I had to return home to check in new guests. The thought of spending any more time with boring people and boring conversation was more than I could bear, so I missed the cheese and coffee!
I am now on the bacon diet as I have 2 weeks to lose yet more weight so I may be quite glamorous for the next party, which I am GREATLY looking forward to.

2011-06-13T19:26:00.003+01:00

I was sitting in the chair having a snooze when the doorbell rang. The Ridley Tiddleys car battery is flat. The AA is coming to get them going - this is the 2nd time in a week. They keep leaving their lights on apparently. What can I say. 14 days down 7 to go! After a very busy weekend I need to sleep.
Camilla has just bought an IPhone and is going to give me her old phone. This is excellent as I keep dropping mine and the memory seems to be only working a half speed. She is also going to give me her IPod with 4000 songs on it as her new phone can take them too. This is very exciting although who can possibly listen to 4000 songs I am sure I have no idea. Her new beau come down from up country for the weekend and he has an IPad for sale so I think I may buy this as well as this will fit into my handbag and will be good to go! He has got some tickets to see Take That at Wembley in a couple of weeks. Much as I love Robbie Williams standing (they are standing tickets) in amongst 100,000 people is definitely not my bag. When Antoinette and I went to see Elton John we had seats!
Sybil and I went to a charity lunch yesterday which was held in Elizabeth's garden. The views were quite stunning and the sun was shining and I got a good bit of sun tan. The average age of the guests I imagine to be somewhere in the region of 75 and that's only because I helped bring the age down! Both Sybil and I won prizes in the raffle, but I declined mine as it seemed a bit greedy!
Anyway what good are biscuits to me when I am trying to diet. I am absolutely starving but as I still cannot get into my clothes and the first party is looming on Sunday, needs must! I am determined to look like a stick insect! I met Victoria for coffee today as she was rained off and couldn't play tennis - she wanted me to stay for a sandwich but I declined
I had some guests check in who had come over from the Channel Islands. Their Condor ferry lost an engine on the journey so they limped over slowly. When it arrived they could not disembark as the back doors would not open! I don't think I will be using this service, with my luck it would probably sink!

2011-06-10T14:17:00.003+01:00

Antoinette and I are returned from a lovely break. We had such fun. We set off at the crack of sparrows at the beginning of the week to catch the ferry which was relatively full. This was too much for me so we hastily checked ourselves into Club Class out of the way of the rabble. We had a calm crossing and tootled our way down the right hand side of France to Portbail where we had Moule Frites outside in the sunshine. It was positively idyllic so we decided to make this our base. Eventually after much trouble we found a B & B that Antoinette had read about and called in to see if they could accommodate us. Hooray - they could - they didn't speak a word of English but we got the job sorted. We had a suite of rooms (this is more like it) for 50 Euros per night - madness - you wouldn't get that at my gaff. However for that money we did not get cooked breakfast or our rooms cleaned and it was pretty basic, but nevertheless good. Those frogs don't have the same standards as us. WiFi is all over the town - you don't have to go and have a coffee to get WiFi unlike Ibiza, it is where ever you are. How thoughtful is that? We had the most amazing seafood on both days at the same place by the sea. This little town is completely unspoilt and not one single Englishman in sight - bliss. I would recommend any traveller to go there. We pottered here and there - the only difficulty I had was keeping Antoinette out of the shoe shops - she is like Imelda Marcos, given her way! I am now completely rested and ready to get on with the busy summer. I got on the scales and have not put any weight on - Phew - but I still can't get into my LBD even with my magic knickers on, so it is chicken and vegetable soup for another week! Time is fast running out!
On my return Camilla had managed to keep the Ridley Tiddleys alive, just, he has now given the courtesy car a scrape and has a very bad cut on his hand, which is all wrapped up. I don't know how he did that and I did not feel inclined to ask. 10 days down 11 to go! Tomorrow they celebrate their 62nd wedding anniversary!
Both mares are scanned in foal so they will be returning from the Emerald Isle when I can fix up the transport. I need rain as there is nothing in the fields for them, or the others to eat!

2011-06-06T09:53:00.003+01:00

I have deposited 2 more squirrels at the top of Cecily's garden in the last couple of days. Sybil phoned to say she is off to Herefordshire for a few days on garden business which is fine as I will be in France. We are going to a charity luncheon on our return - ladies who lunch - very Beverley Hills! Camilla has just texted me to say she is sitting in the departure lounge of Milan airport and the plane is on time. Thank the lord for that otherwise I would have guests and no-one to check them in. I am full up tonight so she will have to get her act into gear after all that posing she has been doing all weekend.
I am like some bloody PA to the Ridley Tiddley's. This morning I managed to get hold of the locksmith as he was passing the door and he kindly came and picked their safe lock. That sorted out they have now decided to go and buy a mobile phone.. This could be interesting as they are both deaf, but I will let the man in the Vodaphone shop figure that out. Mr RT was telling me this morning that he is a little deaf because he was blown up in his Sherman tank - pow! It's just as well Antoinette and I are off to France as the advance party to reckie out the German's before the old boys set off at the weekend. Charles is very bossy, so I'm sure he will take control. They have been going over to France annually for some 15 years but to date have never come back with even one solitary German! It's akin to Dad's Army, but probably worse! Can you imagine going on holiday with 10 old farts?
The old gay 'stick' checked out but wanted to leave his luggage until this evening - what does he think I run a baggage drop! Anyway after he had paid he said his stay 'has been wonderful - you are like a Queen Bee' - well I know that anyway, but kind of him to say. I have just had a cancellation this weekend. The chap rang up to say his brother had just died - as the chap is 77, I tend to believe this story, and I can tell you I have heard them all! It is most inconvenient but it goes with the territory.
I have had to cancel lunch today with the Duchess who has just returned from Paris where her horse was running at the weekend. It was beaten a short head, what a blighter. This is very annoying but I have run out of time and there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done. I was out in the field until nearly dark last evening with the lawnmower knocking off the tops of the creep thistles - it just seemed quicker than getting out the tractor and topper. With all this busyness going on I have lost 5lb in a week, I am starving hungry but thin, well thinnish and I suppose it will all go back on in the next few days!

2011-06-05T12:26:00.004+01:00

Shall I slit my throat now or later? I am surrounded by walking sticks, pee bottles and incontinience pads! The Ridley Tiddleys are still alive, so far as good. It took him 48 hours to realise that the keys to his mobile safe are on the car key ring! He wandered into the kitchen to see if I could pick the lock - well obviously I couldn't and I certainly did not offer to go and get them, I have far too much to do before I disappear off to France. It would be totally impossible for me to tell him how to find his car, I probably wouldn't see him again! I told him to go to the local locksmith tomorrow and he will break in, or something of the sort. He thought that a grand idea and will combine that with his wife going to the hairdresser! The average age of my guests this weekend has been somewhere in the region of 75! Obviously my ground floor rooms attract a certain clientele. I could open as a nursing home! They are all using walking sticks. I shall call these guests 'the sticks'. When Sybil and I went to Malacca years ago and purchased some canes, little did I think we may have to be using them someday. Sybil was particularly naughty at Singapore airport with the canes, but I can't possibly go into that now! I had some 'sticks' check in from France - they had come over for a funeral 120 miles away. I gave them breakfast at 7.00 a.m. and off they went with the help of their SatNav. Unfortunately it took them into the centre of a busy city instead of the crematorium. By the time they got to their correct destination the job was all over so that was a wasted journey! Oh dear. She has Alzheimer's so I guess she didn't notice. They left this morning for onward journey to Calais and then Provence (over 3 days). Another old bird checked in for the weekend to immerse herself in the novels of the author who lived round and abouts these parts. She didn't seem to know whether it was Christmas or Easter and last night an old gay 'stick' arrived from Holland. He had emptied his fridge on departure from his home and asked me if I would like the contents! Mouldy vegetables - wonderful! It took him until noon today to arrange himself and go off to the hospital where he is visiting 2 different friends who are in the local hospital on their last legs. Kill two birds with one stone that's what I say! Oh and I nearly forgot an Irish 'stick' has checked in for 8 days, jolly good.
I advertised for a weekend cleaner in the local rag and got mostly blokes ringing me up for the position. Well clearly I do not want blokes doing my cleaning, and as I cannot discriminate, I invited them for inverview and asked them to bring with them their CRB reports. That got rid of them - tee hee. I have now taken on a lady with plenty of experience so I hope it will work out - she starts next weekend.
Another stiffie arrived, medium to flimsy but as I like them I will make an exception. I had no idea I was so popular!

2011-06-03T17:30:00.004+01:00

What a day I have had! It started off alright but then began to deteriorate. Two of my guests booked in for 3 weeks and duly arrived 3 days ago. They are here to celebrate their 62nd wedding anniversary - well I should just be pleased to still be alive. They are quite sweet but a little doddery and lord knows how they managed to drive down from up north - he is 90 and she is 87! I cooked a full house of breakfasts, all the guests left for the day and the cleaner came in. Charles called to have a look at my hay crop weed problem and told me what to do to right the situation and then we had a coffee. So far so good. Just after Charles left a police car arrived. I didn't think too much about it just thought they had come up the wrong drive! Anyway they were delivering back my old couple who had had an accident whilst trying to get on the busy main road! Fortunately they were unhurt and very lucky, but a lorry had swiped their offside as they were pulling out and the car was towed away. He described his shock the same as when he lost his Sherman tank in the war! He is quite deaf and she is nearly as bad so it was left to me to phone the insurance company, Saga! I was on the phone for at least an hour with all the details and eventually managed to get them a courtesy car on the insurance (they really should not have been driving their own car, never mind a courtesy car). Unfortunately the car could not be delivered until Monday so I took them on a 30 miles journey to collect it, waited with them while they collected it, and then guided them to a petrol station! Oh my god! The seat of the car was so low he could hardly see out of the window, he was wavering all over the road, mostly on the centre line - quite gave me a shock. I decided they should follow me home but his driving became so bad I indicated them to pull in at a hotel en route. I was going to go and purchase a pillow or something for him to sit on so he could see over the steering wheel. I pulled over they kept going! By the time I got back on the road they had completely vanished. I was fully expecting to find them all mashed up somewhere on my journey home. When they eventually arrived I said I would get some cushions from the garden shed for his to sit on which I duly did. Opened the shed door went in got the cushions and bugger me, I had disturbed a zillion wasps. Now I have 3 stings up my bloody arm. The day has now gone and none of my jobs have been done - bloody marvellous! How am I going to keep them alive for another 18 days?

2011-05-31T20:47:00.002+01:00

With a hectic Bank Holiday under the belt, the holiday season has finally sprung into life and not before time. My guests think it wonderful to see so many rabbits all over the place. They just don't understand the problem I have but the greyhound is doing her level best to dispatch as many as possible. Unfortunately she got one yesterday but it wasn't quite dead and probably had a broken back and I had to dispatch it. Not nice. I caught another squirrel yesterday and released it at the top of Cecily's garden on my way past in the car. I shall keep quiet and see if she ever complains by being overrun with the little blighters. Better is her garden than in mine!
I had another stiffy in the post this morning. What is going on - the credit crunch is clearly not affecting my friends. This one was medium stiff and I have duly accepted. Now I have to make sure that I do not turn up in the same clobber at any of these do's - so I have been shopping. Well it's the least a girl can do. I also purchased some beautiful and expensive linen trousers which I cannot get into. This is my incentive to lose some weight and quickly. Chicken and vegetable soup diet starts tomorrow! Not quite sure how that's going to work when I am on holiday next week in France! I see Dave and Sam have been holidaying in Ibiza with the kids. Good enough for them and they flew on Easyjet! Am I missing something?
Had lunch with Victoria last week as it was raining and she couldn't play tennis and I had a couple of hours to spare. Gilbert and Antoinette came round for supper last night while we discussed the finer points of our little jolly. Camilla turned up - she is off to Italy this week on business, back home to run the B & B and then off to Spain with her new love before getting on a plane and flying to France on more business. Proper little jet setter.
Had a phone call from the Emerald Isle - both my mares are in foal. Well I was expecting 1 out of 2 but hey ho, at least I shall have enough racehorses to keep me going for another 10 years! Or of course I could sell them - no I don't want to do that! The posh horse's foot has finally come right and not before time so I let him back out in the field today. His brother's bashed knee is going down slowly - I think.

2011-05-24T22:14:00.003+01:00

They don't come along for ages and then they come like buses - 2 more stiffies have arrived. One not quite as stiff as the other but stiff enough! I have RSVP'd - on suitably stiff card anyway. The summer is looking up.
I have caught 2 squirrels in the trap in the last 4 days - nothing for months and presto. I have taken them on a 4 miles journey to another area for release and am hoping they will meet up - I suppose they are gathering up their winter stores - big mistake in my garden. Not only is the posh horse lame but now his brother has bashed his knee. The blacksmith came out this morning and posh horse had a poisoned foot. Now that has been found I am dealing with it. I was thinking of going to the Chelsea Flower Show with the Duchess but that's gone out of the window unless both horses mend pretty damn quickly.
Two lots of punters phoned today wanting to stay for 3 nights. One lot were Welsh and wanted to bring a border collie (to sleep in the bedroom). Well that's not going to happen - I expect it's their farm dog which rounds up his sheep - can you imagine the stink in the bedroom if I allowed that. The other lot wanted to bring a Siberian Huskie - in their dreams! Another type banished to my unwanted list - soon the unwanted list will be bigger than the wanted list!
Last week I almost lost the will to live - I went for a walk around the farm with the greyhound and couldn't believe the weeds that were growing in my hay crop.I phoned the local chap who, to his credit, came within the hour, walked the fields and took soil samples. Today I had the results which are not nearly as bad as I imagined - thank the Lord. I phoned Charles who is going to call in and advise my next step, which will hopefully be cheaper than that which the soil analyst is suggesting! Charles and Esme have just returned from some culture and a cruise which they greatly enjoyed. Sybil and George returned from France which they greatly enjoyed and Antoinette returned from Spain which she greatly enjoyed - it's a good job someone enjoyed their holidays! Cecily has tootled off to Tenerife - can you imagine - you can keep that - although I am reliably informed by Victoria that there are some nice parts (she has booked herself and husband there for Christmas!) Jemina is ambling around the Med for a month in style - she only does style - and I was sorry to have missed her when she flew into England as I was otherwise engaged in Ibiza - now a distant memory.

2011-05-23T16:26:00.003+01:00

Well that's another week gone before my very eyes! The weekend was full up again with guests - this time I had the guests from hell. 5 youngish Muslim vegetarians. This is the next category I must ban. They checked in OK and went off out for a meal. I likewise went out for supper with Camilla and Queenie. No peace for the wicked - they phoned me to say they were cold and would I put the central heating on. I don't think so, it has been off since the beginning of May. I told them there was an electric fan heater in each bedroom if they wished to use them. If these stupid people would eat proper food instead of bloody greens they would have enough fuel in their bodies to keep warm. Honestly! For breakfast they requested hash browns, tomatoes, veggie sausages (which taste like leather anyway) and croissants. They didn't even bother to request eggs. Breakfast over I was waiting for them to checkout - no such luck - now they tell me there is no hot water! I frog marched one of them to my hot water cistern and told him it was big enough to heat enough hot water for a house for 6 people and if there wasn't any they water they had drained the tank cold and would have to wait at least an hour for more. He told me he had one taken a short shower - Yeah right. Nightmare.
Camilla had purchased this book - a book of walks in the locality. I think there are 24 walks. We did one last November and as it was a rather nice day yesterday and I was in need of some time away from the breakfasts and laundry she decided that we should do the next one. 7 miles later everything is aching. We did stop at 5 miles as we happened across Felicity's daughter's tearooms. After a very nice cuppa and 2 cream teas we set off again. The greyhound came with us and she slept like a log on our return. I don't know how I think I shall be walking the Wicklow Way in due course - I might have to abandon that aim!
I think I am completely losing my marbles. I went upstairs the other night and ran the bath water and thought I would just go into the office and turn off the computer but I got waylaid - when I remembered the bath I went flying back to find, fortunately, that the water was draining out of the overflow and the hot tap was running cold! Phew that was close - I might have been in need of a new ceiling down below. Not content with that - I went to put the dustbins out. I hitch the wheelie bin on the back of my car and tow it down the drive but now I have new tarmac with no bumps I can't hear it rumbling on behind. I completely forgot it was on there and was just about to pull out on the main road when I remembered just in time!
My posh horse is lame so he is in the stables and I am having to administer to him. I think he has a bruised foot due to this hard ground - oh where is the rain. PLEASE MAKE IT RAIN!

2011-05-15T20:57:00.003+01:00

Thank the Lord the weekend is over. The B & B has been full up and I have been very busy. I have had a party for a school re-union staying - I won't be doing that again - a lot of cackling women - they are right up there with wedding guests. No, no, no. Who on earth would want to go on a school re-union anyway. I can only remember one person I was at school with and that's because I was her bridesmaid! I remember she got married in the local church and had her wedding reception in the village hall, very classy! I wore a cerise long dress, probably made by her mother - a long way from my Armani outfits of today. That marriage didn't work out so that served her right!
Yesterday the postman delivered a "stiffy" - to exciting. Not much been going on lately so to have a party to go to in the near future is excellent. You can tell whether it's worth going to by the thickness of the invitation. This one is not regal but it's not flimsy either. I don't do flimsy! I could do to lose a bit of weight before the event as I must look my best!
Antoinette has confirmed our travel arrangements. It's a bit tight. Camilla is off to Italy motor racing and doesn't return until just before we set off. She's flying with British Airways (doesn't want to lose her bags!) so thank God they have just reached agreement with their management not to strike otherwise the greyhound and my guests would be without anyone to look after them!
I haven't had time to get the papers today - the Sunday Times is printing the Rich List - oh I do hope the Duchesss hasn't lost any of her fortune - that will mean she can only have 8 horses in training instead of 12! I shall have to give her a ring.
I must be mad, as if I haven't got enough do do - I am having a luncheon party on Tuesday for our now non existent bridge four plus one or two odds and ends. Not sure Amelia and Camilla would like to be called odds and ends but they should be grateful for a free meal. I might invite Victoria if she's not playing tennis. Bridget has been in the wars. She went to visit Sybil for lunch and unfortunately her labrador hopped out of the car and chased Sybil's cat into the river. In jumped the labrador and in jumped Bridget to try and save the bloody cat. She was followed in by Sybil's terrier. Oh dear! Bridg managed to catch hold of the cat but the wretched thing bit her 15 times on her arm while she was trying to fish it out! All this entailed a visit to the doctor and she is now on anti-biotics! I'd have let the bloody thing drown. I shall look forward to seeing her scars!

2011-05-13T20:52:00.005+01:00

This stupid website went down yesterday and seem to have lost my ramblings for 3 days. I have no idea what they were now but from what I can remember, Clive & Sylvia were brilliant and took us to the trotting races in Ibiza which was fun although a bit hickledy pickledy. There were hardly any spectators but good prize money for the main races. It was sponsored by the local council. Clive thought he could see an opportunity - get visitors to the island to have a nights entertainment at the races - at least it would be SOMETHING to do - I think he had too many beers, personally. I went on a boat trip to Formentera on the last day which was brilliant and I would definitely return for a short break. The beaches were like a mini Bahamas but only 2.5 hours away! Ryanair got me home bang on time - I don't know why people complain about Mr O'Leary's airline - well he did lose Camilla's bags one time but he hasn't lost mine so who cares. I think I shall write to thank him for his amazing service. I shall not send my note to the airline but to his home, as I know where he lives. We are sort of on nodding terms!
I was never more happy than when I put on my moleskins and when out in the garden - now I know I am home. Camilla had kept the place ticking over in my absence. Antoinette has booked us a holiday in St Malo shortly as I need a holiday to get over my holiday experience, which was to say the least a culture shock.
I got up this morning and did the breakfasts but could hardly put one foot in front of the other and then I worked it out. I needed caffine. All those days in Ibiza drinking endless cups of coffee on the pavement for want of anything better to do and then suddenly it all came to an end. Anyway one pot of coffee later and presto I was a right as rain!
I have just taken the greyhound for her nightly walk. The garden was awash with joyous birdsong - Because my garden is so vast I have 4 robins. They are territorial little creatures with their own domains, the summerhouse garden, the woodland garden, the tennis court and the main house garden. The robin around the house is my mate, first he sings to me from the flagpole and then moves on to the top of the fir tree and just as I am about to return inside he hops onto the apex roof all the while singing his heart out - this is a nightly ritual. So it should be the amount of money I spend on food to feed the little blighters!

2011-05-11T20:52:00.000+01:00

I have returned home and was never more happy to get into my moleskins and get out in the garden. The flight back was again excellent, I don't know why people, including Camilla, have trouble with Mr O'Leary's airline - well I suppose he did lose her bags, but nothing of the sort has ever happened to me. I must write him a thank you note. I shall not send it to his airline as it would get lost in the inbox. I shall send it to his home, you see I know where he lives (we are on nodding terms). The holiday is now a bit of a haze- but without Clive and Sylvia who were brilliant I should have been climbing the walls. They took us to some trotting races one evening - very hickledy pickledy and apparently sponsored by the local council, very strange as there were hardly any spectators. You would think that the tourism department would promote it as SOMETHING to do! Anyway Clive has seen an opportunity, but I think he had too many beers at the time! I took a boat to Formentera on my last day, which was the highlight of the holiday, it was magical. I am thinking of a short break there in due course, but definitely only using Ibiza as a passing place.
The Duchess's horse was 3rd - I just arrived home in time to watch it on the TV. I was shocked at how much everything had greened up while I had been gone. Jesus. I have been all afternoon trying to rescue back the garden and doing some lawn mowing. There is a load more to do tomorrow. I must get in touch with Mildred to see if she is still alive. If she is I shall invite her round for supper and get all the gossip. I do hope her knee is mended as it was giving her grief before I went on holiday. Silly girl should have been more careful on those slopes!
I imagine George & Sybil have returned from France, Charles and Esme have just popped off down the Danube, I bumped into Henry in Iceland (shop not country) this morning - he and Katie had just returned from Rock. He was moaning about the cost of a round of golf down there! In fact it was so expensive he did not play - cheapskate! Stupid game anyway. I never understood why anyone would want to push a small ball around a golf course.
Antoinette is booking us a holiday in St Malo. I need a holiday to get over the holiday I have just returned from!

2011-05-08T13:41:00.002+01:00

I have been in Ibiza for 6 days now and I am brain dead. Not with all the culture that I have taken in, mostly the lack of it. Nobody does anything over here apart from mooch (my new word) about. I have no recollection of what I did on Thursday or Friday, but I suppose I did something and yesterday in desperation to get some exercise - apart from promenading up and down the seafront - which is all anyone seems to do - I walked up the back of the town in which I am staying to visit a museum and church. This had the most glorious view out over the bay, there were not many people up there so there I sat and read my book until I got mixed with a Spanish funeral. I returned to base and Geraldine thought it would be a good plan to catch a bus to the next town. We went and spent the afternoon at Zen Sea which was magical, definitely recommend this as a place for lunch and relaxation - unfortunately we had to leave!
Today I am again mooching about but I have found a place in a sort of square which is relatively peaceful and I can read my book in the shade. I have been in touch with Camilla who advises me that the Duchess has a horse running tomorrow which is a dead cert! Oh joy, something to focus on.

2011-05-04T17:46:00.002+01:00

Geraldine was poorly today and decided to rest in the apartment. I tootled out for a coffee and croissant at a place Camilla had recommended from her visit last year. Yum. As the weather was clear blue skies I took a boat ride to Ibiza town - 1 hour along the coast. The boat could take 145 people but we were only 6! I was struck by the absence of seabirds along the cliffs. The coastline is very craggy and not somewhere you can walk a coastal path. To my mind a boat is the only way to travel - not quite sure how that's going to work when venturing inland! Arriving at Ibiza town from the sea ain't great. McDonalds and Burger King to greet you, the buildings are a dirty white, covered in red dust blown in from the Sahara. Once off the boat the signage wasn't all that clever for the tourist. I followed a sign to Tourist Information but that petered out and I never found it. I kept walking and eventually found an entrance to the Ibiza old town which was inside fortress wall. I decided the only way was up - I could see the cathedral at the top. I am not in the least religious but there seems to be something inside which makes one want to climb - to the top - to be good at what you do. It's all about aspiration. Off I set around the outside looking in. It was hot, hot, hot and the higher I went the smellier the sewerage! You would think that the wind coming off the sea would blow the smell away - in my dreams. Anyway I arrived at the cathedral Evissia. There was a kindly nun standing outside and I poked my nose in. There were not many folks in there. I had reached the pinnacle but had no Hail Mary's to say - seen one cathedral seen 'em all! I started the descent, thinking I needed a large beer. I had to ask someone how to get out - which was not the way I came in. For anyone thinking of visiting - be fit and sound on your pins. On the descent in bright sunshine it is difficult to see the steps - I came down holding onto the wall! Mostly as I was bothered the knee might go again! I can tell you that the one and only pissory in the walled town was clean and bright, although communal (which is hate) and was definitely to be recommended.
As a lone traveller one can be completely selfish - no compromise, and as I was pottering about I fell into Sams restaurant (in the shade) which served Razor Clams - my absolute favourite when I am in Spain - washed down with a pint of beer and a pint of water - well it was lunchtime! As the season has only just begun I was the only diner and the service was impeccable. The disconcerting thing was the waiters marching up and down outside like the bloody grenadier guards on a "slowie". Bet they wish they had more to do. My return boat trip was equally good but this time I was the only passenger - that was a loss leader for them. I am now sitting in a bar thinking about supper.

2011-05-03T19:03:00.002+01:00

I am in Ibiza! Why do people complain about Ryanair? Mr O'Leary's airline is wonderful. £59.00 return, brand new plane which left on time and arrived 1/2 hour early due to tailwind, what more do you want? Geraldine came down from up the northern end on the train for the weekend and we set sail this morning. It was touch and go if in fact we would set off as Geraldine had a very upset tummy and was poorly and up and down all night in the loo - anyway we are now here and the weather is hot and sunny. There are no people in the resort to speak of as it is too early in the season, which is perfect for us oldies. I have left Camilla in charge of the B & B and already have received a text message as she cannot find the bread and eggs! I do hope she hasn't forgotten to feed the greyhound! Sybil is off tomorrow to Brittany for the week for her birthday and the Duchess is still in the west country. What a lot of travellers we are. When we arrived we gravitated towards the marina, as you do, for a beer and lunch. I thought I had ordered Calamari for lunch, but this was clearly Ibiza style - interesting! A couple of beers and a good snooze for 2 hours and I am as right as rain again. I am sitting in Namibia - not the african one - an internet cafe on the waters edge. It is all too exciting for words - me and my Macbook. This is the 2nd time I have taken it on an excursion.
Geraldine's apartment is brilliant as it is in walking distance of everywhere. Tomorrow we are going on a little boat ride into Ibiza town - I must remember to put on my factor 60 suntan as I don't wish to return to the UK like a wrinkled prune.
My friend Joany is visiting England which is very annoying as I am not there. All my male mates are in the Emerald Isle for a festival of racing lucky blighters. I missed that last year as I got caught up in the volcanic dust.
I must get my act together as blogging and trying to eat supper is not conducive - I shall have to have breakfast down here. Tomorrow is another day - tiddley pom.

2011-04-29T21:16:00.003+01:00

Where did the last week go? I had a supper party in the summerhouse which was fun and everyone was on good form. Fortunately at the end of the evening I put everything in the dishwasher and walked away. I was so exhausted by the busy B & B weekend I did not return for 3 days to empty it. Will I never learn! My knee was playing me up somewhat so I had to decline luncheon with Wilhelmina the next day. According to Camilla she had lobsters for lunch - tiddley pom. Although I had an airline ticket to the Emerald Isle, I was so puffed out with the B & B I just couldn't get myself to the airport so Mr O'Leary gained a seat! I did, however, manage to get out the next day for lunch with Esme as pregnant daughter Cynthia was over from Canada. Unfortunately Cyn had brought only warmish clothes for the English climate, and had therefore to borrow some of Esme's lightweight clothes. Well as I told her, she looked like a pregnant green blob! Wherever did Esme get that dress? We had a lovely day in the sunshine and booze the flowed. All old friends and grown up children - it could have been a pony club re-union! Cyn has now returned overseas and will come back for the christening in due course.
The nag came home for his holidays and was so pleased to be here you could almost see him smiling. He did 2 circuits of the paddock in extended trot looking completely beautiful, pointing and flicking, he will definitely have a dressage use in retirement!
Camilla, in pony club days, was excellent at dressage but as she has not sat on a nag for the best part of 10 years, this could be a problem! I can't say I would be much good, I couldn't even master the flying change!
I tootled off with Emily to the big discount store in the west country. Every time I visit her, her house grows in size, it is now the size of a mansion! She took an empty horsebox and we managed to fill it. It took us all day. Yesterday I spent all day spraying thistles and ragwort and anything else that was in my way. As the weather forecasters had said it would rain I thought it a must to get the job done before the rain came. By the time a had finished my knee was in serious bother, and I mean serious. Mildred phoned - her knee is in the same amount of bother, but at least she did that skiing! Today however, for some weird reason the knee was pain free, and although large, felt like a normal one. I had decided not to watch that wedding, but I couldn't help myself. The best bit was the people watching at the beginning. In my opinion Sophie Winkleman was the best dressed guest wearing Armani, well I would say that wouldn't I, and the worst dressed guests were the Duke of Pork's daughters who liked the ugly sisters in Cinderella! The Duchess had gone to her cottage for the weekend. I hope she got some wedding pointers for the impending nuptials of Gloria.

2011-04-20T21:56:00.003+01:00

My nag has been defeated by the weather. No rain and none on the horizon so I shall not be racing in the Emerald Isle and the nag is coming home next week for his holidays but at least he is returning in one piece.
It has been so hot today that my greenhouse was 98 degrees and the plants were wilting. Admittedly the place was clad with bubblewrap from the winter so I have removed it and hopefully things will cool down. My cucumbers are coming along apace and tomorrow I shall erect the scaffolding for them and the tomatoes in readiness for a bumper crop. My badger problem is getting worse. As these pests are protected under the Protection of Badgers Act 1992 I cannot exterminate them. Therefore today I have erected a sign in my woodland garden "Beware - Badgers digging underground" as I have no wish for a B & B guest to disappear down through the lawn and come upon me for compensation! I can look down the hole and see the roots from my hedge dangling in the breeze. What am I to do. If I put some chain link over the hole they will just dig another one and I will be in a worse situation. It looks like the Somme at the back of my stables! The good news I suppose is that they are tunnelling under the garden and not under my stables - the bad news is that they live in family groups of up to 12 individuals! A badger needs about 200 worms to see it through the days sleep so it is no wonder my garden is looking dire. These pesky creatures can live up to 14 years of age! The good thing might be that they sometimes like to eat moles. This would sort out my mole problem. It's a pity they don't eat rabbits!
I tootled off the market today and bought my potting plants, went and had a haircut and then went out to lunch with Cecily and co. and took the fast car as the roof comes down. This was all very well but unfortunately I parked next to a building site - when I returned the thing was covered in dust. Camilla is off to a race track for the weekend and I have let her borrow the fast car to get there, on condition that she returns it in clean condition. Well that saves me cleaning it! She has been invited to test drive a single seater - I do hope she doesn't stuff it into the armco.

2011-04-19T20:17:00.003+01:00

Charles has just phoned enquiring about the horse. I have no news - I am waiting on my trainer but I cannot see it - we need rain!
I have been up north with the Duchess for a little excursion. Her horse came 5th but 5 lengths covered the lot of them so it was not a bad effort, but a long way to go. Blink and we could have missed it! This flat racing is something else - boring I think is the word! The Duchess had her eyes popped out on stalks. Racing in that neck of the woods attracts people one does not usually see in our neck of the woods. There were females dressed in evening dress (in the afternoon) you would have thought they were going to a ball. Without exception I am sure they were all wearing 6" heels. Others were dressed in tiny dresses showing plenty of skin - mostly goose pimples - as it was pretty chilly. I think the only thing that was keeping them warm was the booze! I tried to explain to the Duchess that had she been at the Grand National meeting she would have seen more of the same but 5 times as many. I mean, I have never seen so any slappers in one place! People watching was more exciting that the racing. It was a bit the same, although not slappers, at Henley Regatta when I went with Sybil and George! We arrived home and Gloria had a roast lunch waiting for us. Her betrothed was there and they were on great form, although the kitchen was in a fine mess.
Camilla had looked after my establishment, and the greyhound, while I was away and she has announced that her flatmate is leaving and moving up north this weekend. Hooray. At her time of life one should be living on one's own! She is off motor racing this weekend but at the moment has temporarily lost her racing suit. She can find her helmet, boots and gloves but suit has gone awol. Oh dear! I do hope she will come home in one piece.
My knee is still being supported, but I cannot wait for it to get better and I have been off in the paddocks with my knapsack spraying the ragwort and thistles and anything else that I don't like. Unfortunately the knee does not like the weight of 15 litres of spray on my back so I have had to reduce this to 10, which is a nuisance as I have to keep coming back to base to replenish supplies!
Bookings are a long time coming for the Easter weekend, I am still not full. The recession is obviously biting and people have no money - which is not helpful to my plight. Anyway I cannot sit by the phone waiting for bookings so I am off to lunch tomorrow with Cecily and co. When I return I may do a bit more spraying - who knows!

2011-04-15T09:58:00.004+01:00

I woke up this morning and it came to me. I must purchase my flight ticket - so I did, instantly. It had gone up £25.00 since yesterday. That Mr Ryanair is a blighter, but I figure I got an amazingly cheap flight to Ibiza so I could afford to lose this ticket. I am just worried that the flight to Ibiza is so cheap there won't be a plane at the airport! If the worst comes to the worst I think I shall go overseas anyway and hopefully my tailor can see me, even though it is a Bank Holiday. I shall phone him directly and see if he has got his business up and running again after the fire. Now that Gloria is engaged I must get myself sorted out ready for an impending wedding. Thankfully the Duchess has said that Gloria doesn't want a big wedding. Elite and exclusive - excellent!
The builder is in doing another little project for me - I do wish my brain would stop thinking up projects and coincidentally Emily phoned to say she was wanting to go to our favourite discount store in the next county. We have made arrangements to go straight after Easter and she will pull her horse box on behind so we can have a good shop. She is worse than me in the project department, at the moment she is dealing with her garden - and not before time. She was muttering about putting a Yurt in the garden the other day, to put her siblings and siblings various friends in over the summer, but has put that plan on hold. Oldest sibling, Charlie is having a big birthday, more expense. Still I suppose it's better than a wedding.
My grass is growing apace and it is really time I got out my knapsack sprayer and killed the thistles and ragwort. I keep thinking about it but cannot galvanise myself into action.
Every time I lookout of the windows all I see is rabbits. I had 12 rabbits on the front garden, 6 rabbits in the woodland garden and another 8 rabbits in the stable garden. Not only that, when I come up the drive they are everywhere but they manage to get out of the way just in time before they get run over. I am sure I don't know what I am going to do with them and the little buggers will multiply in another 3 months. I can't get someone to shoot them - it wouldn't look good for my punters to see a man with a gun wandering around. Even the greyhound can't be bothered with them there are so many. Well I suppose it will cut down on the lawn mowing.

2011-04-14T20:48:00.002+01:00

I am all at sixes and sevens. Are we going, should I book air fares, should I book hotels, how long am I going for and I don't have an answer to any of it. All I know is that with each passing day the air fares go up while I dither about making a decision. My trainer is planning to float the horse across the water but we are still unclear if he will run - it all depends on the ground! I love the winter when we know what the ground will be - wet! All this faffing about is driving my crazy. In the meantime the Duchess has announced that she has a runner miles up the country and would I go with her. I was going to the local point-to-point but anyway I have agreed to drive her - miles and miles and you know what I think about going north of the Thames! We are staying overnight so I do hope she has a winner. This is a flat race - how stupid is that. Hours of driving for about a minute of racing as this race is a sprint! Camilla has agreed to step in and do my B & B. The Duchess's daughter is engaged - it is official and the announcement is in the paper. Alleluia! I must really think about my outfit now, but I must lose weight first. I will start tomorrow. It's too late today as I have already consumed 1/2 a bottle of Rose and had a feast.
I went to lunch with Antoinette yesterday which was excellent as always. We had paella which was yummie. The party was for a girlfriend who is off to Australia next week. It's very weird, when we were young, without a care in the world, the conversation would generally be about men. Now the conversation is about aches, pains, nursing homes, dying and funerals, of which we are all going to far too many! I went to the doctor as my knee is still swollen but he assured me that I do not need a new knee cap. Well that was good enough - I guess I have just sprained it somehow - which is what I thought in the first place. The doctor's surgery is newly built and 3 times the size of the old one. When I commented to the receptionist that the waiting room was bigger than the one in the county hospital, she proudly agreed and said it was full up that morning. Shocking! How many sick people are there in my local village and surrounding area, and not only that, who is paying for these sick people to be off work - if indeed they are employed in the first place! I have no intention of returning - I might catch something in the waiting room!

2011-04-11T09:18:00.005+01:00

It was 95 degrees in my greenhouse yesterday! I hurried about in the B & B and because it was such a lovely day I thought I would take the greyhound and go for a walk along the cliffs and end up at the my most favourite eating establishment on the beach. When I finally arrived for lunch there were hordes of people with exactly the same thing in mind. I was very lucky, I managed to get a table on the front row looking out to sea, and so proceeded to sunbathe, have smashing fresh red mullet washed down with some Rose - can't beat it. A man with a camera was wandering around, obviously taking some shots for promotional advertising. He asked a young couple behind me if they would mind carry on talking as he would like to take photos, as their table was in the best place for light and without disturbing other guests to get a shot. The chap answered by saying it was OK and the photographer had probably picked the most well known face in the county! How up your ass is that?! I couldn't resist - I know I shouldn't - but I did! When I eventually got up to leave I gathered up the greyhound, and politely went over to their table and said I had overheard his conversation with the photographer, at which point the couple were basking in their own glory - however, I informed them that I had lived in the area all my life, and I had not got a clue who he was and told him to "get a life". I don't think he will be swanking like that again! Idiot!
I was watching a programme on the TV about knee replacements (I have no idea why, it must have been on in the background) anyway I didn't like the look of it. Now I am starting to worry about my knee! It is still swollen and I am still wearing a support bandage and lasering it everyday. I will give it another couple of days and then make an appointment to see the doctor - I simply have no time for a knee replacement, this would stop my skiing, and however would I deal with my horses, when half a ton of animal decides to lean on me when I am picking out it's feet! It's probably nothing more than a strain but I had better get it checked out.
The blacksmith is coming today and I hope my new stable arrangement will work well. Horses are creatures of habit and do not like change, having all gone completely mental when they were split up last week. New stables, new smells - bless 'em.

2011-04-08T08:08:00.002+01:00

This week started with extremely good news. My old mare has conceived in the Emerald Isle - hooray. I was walking around with a smile on my face all day (little things please little minds). I gathered up Emily and my next door neighbour to help me load up mare no 2 and she was whisked off overseas as well. I thought I had got out of this breeding malarkey on the grounds that I will soon be too old to be getting up early in the mornings and mucking out. I am sure I have already been doing this for half a lifetime. Anyway I have a spring in my step, probably brought on by my good horse putting his best foot forward. I didn't sleep a wink last night as said good horse is entered in the most famous horserace in the world. The ground is going against us and if it dries up anymore he will not run.
With all this sunshine about I got the mower out to deal with the lawns as the grass in now on the march. I have found that the quickest way to deal with molehills is to mow straight over the top them and scatter them. Well this was the plan, job done everywhere looking exceedingly tidy. When I got back in the house to make a cup of tea after my exertions I found one kitchen window holed and cracked where a stone had flown up from the mower! Drat those moles. One step forward two steps back.
Spoke to Charles yesterday - he has not been too good of late. He and Esme are off to Cornwall for a sunny weekend with the dog.
Esme is having a lunch party on Easter Sunday as pregnant daughter is coming over from Canada. This is the last time she will be able to fly before the sproglet is born. I am looking forward to seeing her.
My cucumbers, tomatoes and spring onions are all growing apace from seeds, not sure where the lettuce and basil are, although the seeds were three years old! I will give them another week and if they are not up I will have to go a buy some fresh seeds. I hope Victoria is getting the rest of the plantings underway as time is marching on.
An Australian had flown over to look at my boat. He liked it very much but unfortunately put in a very cheeky offer. I told the boatyard although I was desperate, and I was not that desperate! Those Aussies are real cheapskates. I find this in the B & B too. They ring up to book a room and then question the price, even though it is advertised, then try and get a deal. Dream On.

2011-04-03T09:51:00.002+01:00

Did you ever see anything so ridiculous. I took myself to Queenie's party and was determined to wear my Armani suit and set a standard. However my knee was still giving a bit of trouble and there was no way I would be teetering in 6" taller. Flat shoes and Armani suit - not a look to be proud of! It was nice to see faces I hadn't seen for ages.
Camilla has been teaching me how to do spreadsheets on my MacBook, so while my knee has been resting I have been putting all my accounts up. This will hopefully save me quite a lot of accountants fees as in my opinion, they have been taken to balance sheet standard and just need signing off! We shall see. My one worry with all this technology and button pushing is, will my non existent grand children every be able to do their times tables and spell!
While waiting for my guest to check out yesterday morning I had some trouble downloading the Racing Post. I was so busy trying to sort this problem out when the room started filling with smoke! I looked round and somehow or the other the hob plate was on - I must have knocked it. Anyway I had put a plastic tray on it which was slowly disintegrating! This is the second time this has happened - keep on like this I will probably burn the house down. Good job I have just paid the insurance premium! The guests all came from Spain and were here for a wedding. Well I hate wedding guests, but needs must, bills to pay etc. When they left they had kindly taken 2 bath towels with them and there was mascara all over the pillow cases. This morning's guests liked it so much they asked if they could return in the half term and pitch a tent in my garden for their kids to sleep in! Well I told them there were some very good camp sites about. Cheeky buggers. I took some very good bookings yesterday for June - one was for 3 weeks. Yes! Bless them, they are a little old couple who during their stay will be celebrating their 62nd wedding anniversary. This means they won't be using the bath very much as I doubt they will be able to get in so cleaning should be a very quick affair.
As today is Mother's Day I was hoping to go with Camilla to my most favourite cafe and sit in the sun and look out to sea. There is no sun and I am cooking a goose for lunch. What's all that about! Which reminds me, I must call the boatyard and see if they have sold my boat as it costs almost as much to have the thing on dry land as in the water!
Thought for the Day - The higher a monkey climbs, the more you can see of his ass!

2011-03-31T12:47:00.004+01:00

I am holed up in the house today. I felt it coming on slowly at the back of the knee but didn't take any notice. I popped out to lunch with Victoria and then went to the garden centre to buy some shrubs to replace the ones lost in the winter snow. Bit of a twinge and then when I digging in said shrubs -OWW! I think I must have done a muscle or ligament at the back of the knee. I hobbled into the house and put on a knee support (kept generally in case I get a tennis injury!) When I took it off later my knee had almost doubled in size! This is not good as I have to go to Queenie's birthday at the weekend and at this rate I will not be able to totter in, in heels! I fished out my laser machine and charged it up - it was purchased for use with the horses, but fortunately has not been required for several years. In the old days, when Emily and I were hunting and the like, we were constantly using it on ourselves! I am hoping for a very quick fix as I have no time to be incapacitated. While I was hobbling around mucking out the B & B guests Mildred phoned. Would you believe it - on day 2 of her skiing holiday she fell off a button! I mean, who falls off a button -unless it was a pommer**!? Her knee went in the wrong direction so she is also hobbling around. Tiddley Pom.
The Duchess phoned from the smoke to say that her horse is running today - miles & miles away! She was in the hairdresser's salon and was not bothering to go as she was sure it would come last. I told her to bring the mare home, but does she listen. Probably will come home after today!
I phoned the television engineer as a TV in one of the bedrooms only get the radio and another only gets random channels. He never answers his phone - and then I get complaints. Is this my fault - I don't think so. The maintenance man came last week to replace bath taps in one room and basin taps in another. Simple enough job you would think. Job done - why would I check. Anyway I threw out the old taps. When I was cleaning yesterday, the bloody taps were still dripping - stupid man had changed the wrong taps in the wrong rooms! Excellent - old taps had already gone to the tip - that little exercise has just cost me £140.00! It doesn't matter who you employ these days, nobody listens. The only good thing about today is that the cattle don't have TB and thanks to the Ministry of Agriculture that little exercise cost me money as well. Who cares?
** rouge button.

2011-03-29T18:50:00.003+01:00

I am sure the old mare is taking the mickey out of me. She didn't take on her first service and while she is enjoying the delights of a regular bonking, at my expense, I am not convinced that she will mate, so I have taken the decision to send her daughter, a full sister to my very good horse, floating over the Irish sea in the hope of extending the family somehow! I phoned Emily to secure her services to load the filly next week as she hasn't been in a lorry for at least 4 years. At the end of day it is only money, who cares! If I don't take action now I could be without any racehorses for my future enjoyment, although by the time any progeny hit the track I could well be senile! My very good horse is in fantastic form but we wait on the weather. It is no good the television weatherman telling me that March was the driest for decades, I need rain, and I mean buckets of the stuff, otherwise said horse will be heading over the Irish sea for a large pot of gold, instead of large pot of gold on these shores. Jemima phoned today and she is ready to fly in from the other side of world for wherever we decide to race.
It looks as though the Duchess has a wedding on her hands - Gloria has accepted a proposal apparently, which is all a bit hush hush. It happened on the slopes in Meribel where prospective groom went down on one knee. It was captured on camera by the delicious ski guide Phillipe. I am unsure whether Camilla was more put out by Gloria being engaged or Gloria skiing with boyfriend and Phillipe! Now this will be a serious wedding, well not royal, but the Duchess does have certain standards to keep up. I am therefore in the process of booking my flights to the Emerald Isle to have a little number or two run up, one for summer, one for winter as I have no idea when this occasion will take place - so long as my tailor is back in business after the fire! The hat will follow!
Queenie is having a big birthday on Saturday to which I have been invited. I am sure I do not know what I am going to wear - whatever I can fit in to I imagine. This may be tricky! Meantime I am having lunch with Victoria to hear about her trip to Tenerife. Camilla has gone off to Bridget's for supper and to check out the talent in her neck of the woods. I understand Bridget has now put herself on a dating website. This could be interesting. No word from Mildred - I do hope she is in one piece after her exertions on the slopes.

2011-03-27T21:00:00.004+01:00

Yesterday I tootled off to the local point to point with the Duchess which was rather fun. I can't say I actually saw a race, but I do remember seeing the inside of many a car boot! I took the greyhound with me and she was beside herself with excitement at seeing so many pooks on leads. When the loud speaker started up I think she thought she was back at the dog track - It was at this point I think she was pleased to have been rescued. I hadn't seen the Honorary Vet since my horse won at the course a few years previously and I had leapt upon him in delight. He is still my favourite vet in the whole wide world, although the Duchess is trying to muscle in! I returned home for a full house of B & B customers who mainly consisted of party goers off to a 50th Wedding Anniversary. This was wonderful because they were so old that none of them could climb in the bath which made cleaning this morning a very quick affair, which was just as well as I needed to get away early for Antoinette's lunch party. I took the fast car as it is having an MOT tomorrow and I thought I would blow out the cobwebs. I had to go a long deviation as the road to Antoinette's was closed, someone having decided to kill themselves - very inconvenient as I missed some valuable drinking time. Lunch of course was delicious and puddings, historic. I keep trying to loose a few pounds but it just not happening. You know you are in trouble when you have to use a Hermes scarf as a belt - when all your other belts just don't go round! I seem to be very sociable at the moment. Today for instance I had 3 invitations to lunch but Antoinette was the lucky one to have my company! Everyone was on good form and Hughie was an exceptional waiter, but I fear I cannot afford him! Gilbert has kindly loaned me Facey Romford's Hounds which I cannot wait to read. I do hope it's as good as Mr Sponge's Sporting Tour which was hilarious. Thankfully Charles and Esme brought along my racing clothes which I had left up north, in my hurry to get back down south.
Tomorrow not only have I got to cook breakfasts and get the car MOT'd, but I have a blasted cattle TB test - wonderful. I have badgers living in my garden and two huge holes at the back of the stables tunnelling under the woodland garden. I wouldn't be surprised if the lawn collapsed and my guests disappeared down a hole just like Alice in Wonderland! Oh the joys of farming.

2011-03-23T09:21:00.003Z

Oh what a morning I have had! Last night my guests checked in and promptly went off to the pub. Just as I was going to bed there was a knock on the door and one gentleman could not get into his room. The lock had jammed. Fortunately his son was in another room (twin beds) so I had to put him there as I had nowhere else for him to go. Who do you ring at 11.00p.m. as night to get the job sorted? Anyway my trusty builder arrived at 7.15 this morning and got in eventually. It could have been worse, he could have been locked in from the inside! I could not charge him for 2 rooms which was avery annoying.
After 4 days of racing last week my brain is completely fuddled. I don't know why this festival has been extended to 4 days, 3 days is quite enough. They do the same over in Ireland - it is quite a marathon, except that the guinness over there keeps you going!
I went off for the quiz night on St Patrick's Day and our trusty team won - quite right too. The winnings paid for our entry and meal. All Bridget was concerned about was beating the team we were with last term, which we did by 6 points - they came 2nd, although I thought the questions were much easier this year, on the grounds that even I could answer 50% of them!
Mildred has gone off skiing. While she has been gone, I have had to remove her person from the dating website. Although I thought it would be a good idea to find her a man in this way, the fact is that there are so many saddo's out there all looking for company in this age group it makes you want to slit your throat! Yuk. I think it's back to her drawing board. Maybe she will find love on the slopes!
The Duchess has just telephoned to say she is having a nervous breakdown! Her staff are driving her round the bend. I seem to have had this conversation with her several times before. I told her to get a grip, be the boss, and stop galavanting off to London every week! How can you manage an empire if you are not in control? Geraldine has been busy with her marigolds on, helping her daughter move to her new house. Exhausting - we are too old for this! Victoria is smugly in Tenerife playing tennis, swimming in the sea and generally enjoying life. She is looking for a property to buy so that she can take herself off for 3 months in winter. That's good - I shall be able to join her now and again! Sybil has returned from Burma and we are off to lunch with Amelia today. Girls, girls, girls - what would I do without them?

2011-03-13T20:26:00.004Z

This time of the year is a bit short on B & B guests, so when needs must, and they must, I took a booking from wedding guests. I have a strict rule, no wedding guests, no children under 6 and definitely no babies! And what did I take wedding guests and 3 babies. Wedding guests never get up in the morning until the last possible minute for breakfast, children leave sticky finger marks all over the walls and babies throw their food on the floor in the dining room, and yes that's how it was. Lovely. While I was in the middle of serving breakfast the local police phoned to ask if I had a guest staying called Peter Lang, as he was a missing person! Well no I didn't - is this what we pay our taxes for. If the chap is missing, I imagine he wants to be missing!
My builder called today and wanted to know if I had just won the football pools! New tarmac and all that! That tarmac is so smooth I almost have the urge to take up roller blading. Camilla has nicknamed it the 'mini motorway'!
Bridget, Camilla and Emily came round for a girlie supper and we investigated a dating website for Bridget. Her surname might as well be Jones for all the luck she is having in the pulling department! Anyway we found this bloke who met her criteria - he is called Rupert - and she has decided this is the person she is going to marry! Not quite sure if this was the wine talking. Camilla is on the case as she first has to have a profile. All very complicated, but at least it will give me time to get a hat.
With my dinner party under control,( I got Mildred to make the pudding!) I hurried off to the races to meet the Duchess, only for her horse to be withdrawn due to changing ground conditions. My trainer also withdrew 3 horses - what a waste of money that was. Supper was a huge success and much booze was consumed, in all 9 bottles, and there were only 10 of us and some not drinking! Felt like death the next morning and only fully recovered with the realisation that I had to cook breakfasts for my guests. I think I am getting too old for all this excitement. The Duchess phoned muttering about the poor running or injuries her horses were suffering. She said she was suicidal. I told her she would have to hang on as I hadn't got time for her to commit suicide, I was too busy. Must ring her to make sure she is still alive.
Sybil is returning from her holiday on Wednesday, and on Thursday, St. Patricks Day, we + Camilla and Bridget are going to contest the pub quiz about all things Irish I imagine. Last year Bridg and I plus a couple of others won that quiz so we have a certain standard to maintain. Only 2 more days to Cheltenham, I can't wait.

2011-03-09T21:05:00.003Z

Shock, horror! I phoned the Emerald Isle to find out when my new coat was going to be dispatched only to learn that three weeks ago my tailor's shop had burnt down and my coat with it! What ever shall I wear to Cheltenham now? It must have been quite a big fire because it made the front page of the local rag. Even more disturbing is the fabric I had chosen cannot be replaced and I had already purchased a Hermes scarf to match! The good news is that I shall have to return for another fitting and chose another fabric when they re-open in about a month's time. As I am completely in love with the country this will be no hardship. Today I received word that my mare who has been residing there since last April, has been covered by a different stallion, as last year's stallion was firing blanks or my mare just wasn't having any of it. I shall be able to do a joint visit.
The luncheon for Esme's birthday was excellent and thoroughly enjoyed by all. Now that Esme is of a certain age she has suggested that she, Antoinette and I form the OBOE club -' Old Bat's only eating' - well she can speak for herself. Anyway we thought that a good idea, as this means another lunch that none of us have to cook! I have just received word from the B & B girls that we are off to lunch at the beginning of next week to my absolutely favourite cafe - has to be done then as Cheltenham starts the following day and nothing can interfere with that, nothing.
I went to have my hair cut today. Time to have the winter locks off to make way for shorter style for the forthcoming summer. My hairdresser is going to open another salon about 20 miles away. He is planning to spend 50% of his time in both places. I won't mind as long as it does not interfere with my 6 weekly appointments which I already have to make 6 months in advance. I haven't got much hair but it costs a fortune - I think he should charge according to how much he removes! This evening I have been busy in the kitchen cooking. The Duchess phoned to inform me that my presence was required when her horse runs at the end of the week. I told her I couldn't possibly go as I had nine people coming for supper. She was having none of it. Then she wanted to know why she wasn't invited! Well I suppose she's right, why would I be wanting to slave over a party, when I could get it sorted beforehand and turn up for the party like a guest - if I can pull it off. Thankfully the cleaner is coming in tomorrow as the house resembles a dust bucket. No word from Mildred she has gone missing, no word from Victoria , I suppose she has gone lost in sunny Tenerife!

2011-03-08T07:52:00.003Z

Today is Esme's birthday, another year older poor soul, but in the company of Charles, Gilbert, Antoinette and myself we are going to cheer her up. The noise from those tarmac machines and ancillary equipment was unbelievable - no peace in the garden at all but I am pleased to say that my tarmac is down and the drive is usable. The workers had no ear defenders on - I bet they will be deaf by the time they are 60 if they do such work day in day out. Not my problem. The greyhound managed to sneak out of the back door when I wasn't looking and walked in the tarmac before is was steamrollered down. By the time I noticed she was missing and then found her, her pads were covered in tarmac which was, by now, quite hard! It took me about an hour to sort her feet out and remove it. That will teach her. Stupid dog! As I was stuck up the drive is was quite obviously a gardening day. I was out there for 7 hours with my garden pruners and the saw. Having been nearly decapitated the other day when coming up the drive on the lawnmower, my first job was to remove all the offending branches. Then I started getting trigger happy - if it stuck out it got cut off. When I went down to the summerhouse to sort out those hedges I found a dead sparrowhawk on the decking. I can't say I was overly bothered as they swoop in and pick the little birds off the bird feeders. However I did wonder what had happened to it so I began plucking it to see if the idiots in the wood had been taking a pot shot at it - no signs of bullets. I can only assume that it must have eaten a dead rodent which I had been feeding rat bait in the stables! Two birds with one stone so to speak! There were not many takers on the bird feeders either with all the commotion going on. Did you know that the wild birds cost me more per month to feed than the greyhound.
The Duchess has gone to the Cornish retreat this week but is returning early as her horse is running. She has been rumbled. I have figured out who her lover is and she is most annoyed. Geraldine says I am a regular Inspector Clueso. I must admit I was quite proud of myself - little things please little minds - and I have a little mind. Geraldine has decided to buy a new car - a very sporty little number. Quite right too.
Some weirdo has been reading my blog and invited me to follow his blog 'Christian with a view' - Is he having a laugh?

2011-03-06T21:55:00.003Z

Sweet Lord alive. I phoned my next door neighbour as I had noticed that he had the hedgecutter on his tractor and asked if he could swing round and just take the top off the beech hedge around my garden. Unfortunately I was a day too late. Apparently after 28th February it is illegal until late July. This is to do with the birds' nesting season. So I have had to hurriedly get my hedge cutter out and do the job myself, up and down the ladder, up and down the ladder! By the time I had done this, 3 hours later, I thought I was going to collapse. But hey saves me going to the gym - all that upper body workout. I was on my last legs when Mildred came round for supper. After consuming much wine and Mildred fretting that she is without a man - is she crazy - I told her about someone I knew who had found a man on a dating website! So we logged in and had a look. Shocking! If you are of a lady of a certain age, and looking for a man of a certain age - well I have seen it all. We laughed out loud for at least an hour. In later life at least 50% of these desperados have all grown facial hair. I cannot tell you what a lot of mingers there are out there. In order to investigate this we had to log in with some fictitious name and email address so we couldn't be found. Being a naive sort of a being I didn't realise that one could be investigated oneself! Anyway no-one knew who we were and it was good for a laugh. I only wish I had come up with the idea of a dating website. I should think the inventors must be millionaires!
Today after I had done the breakfasts for my punters I went out gardening because it was such a beautiful day. One thing led to another and before I knew it I was busy sawing down trees on the banks to let in more light here and there. I would have left these jobs for my Monday man, but he already has work piled sky high and he won't be able to call this Monday due to the fact that the tarmaccers should hopefully arrive and get on with the work they were supposed to do last week! I will therefore be stuck up my drive for 24 hours - who cares! as long as I can get out the following day to have lunch with Esme for her birthday. Busy old week, having haircut and having chaps to supper on Thursday and Friday nights. As Victoria is jetting off to Tenerife I have invited her other half, to be my other half, for the evening.
Camilla has arrived back from the smoke and came for supper tonight. I am making a concerted effort to empty the deepfreeze (one of many) so we had partridge. They have probably been in there for 4 years but they tasted delicious, cooked with apples and calvados! Much wine and giggling ensued as Camilla investigated her dating website. Has the world gone completely mad?

2011-03-02T09:34:00.003Z

I am beyond myself with perplexity. Having moved all my arrangements around and closed out the B & B for bookings, cancelled the cleaner and anyone else who might have liked to venture up my drive today, I find that the tarmac people have made a mistake and instead of coming today, think they are coming tomorrow! Oh no they are not! It is not possible because I have a beef animal going to slaughter and need to use the drive to get to said animal. The Aga is now not working due to some sort of airlock where the idiots severed the pipe yesterday so my kitchen is freezing cold and I am waiting for the Aga man to call and put this right. The wind is coming from the north and now blowing oil fumes back through the flue into the kitchen, so by the time the engineer gets here I shall probably be dead on the kitchen floor. The computer man arrived early so he could lay a WiFi cable to my summerhouse which requires to go under the tarmac! What a cock-up!! This is what the world is coming to. Incompetence all the way round - I am so glad I do not employ people anymore, most of them are a load of idiots anyway. I mean how difficult is it anyway to coordinate a job. Obviously very difficult.
In my hurry to leave up north, I was clearly not paying attention as I have left most of my clothes behind. I checked and double checked to make sure I had packed everything, Geraldine even checked. As there was no wardrobe in the bedroom I hung stuff up behind the door - well I didn't look behind the door (why would you) and now I have the added dilemma of retrieving that lot. Fortunately Esme's daughter, who works up north, is coming down to visit for the weekend and she will bring it with her. I am going out to lunch with Esme for her birthday next week - if I can get out of the drive!
Victoria phoned last night. She is taking of to Tenerife for 18 days to get away from it all. She is undertaking a building scheme (well not personally) which is fraught with incompetence and not going to plan. She thinks she will commit suicide if she stays here so is leaving the decisions to someone else! This is a complete nuisance as she is supposed to be propagating the seeds for my greenhouse/garden. Who is going to water them while she is away!
Mildred is coming round for supper tomorrow night. She is at her wits end - her brother is driving her crazy, her mother is driving her crazy. And I think I've got problems!

2011-03-01T11:04:00.004Z

Today it is a little cold outside and as I have the tarmac people resurfacing my drive I cannot go up or down anyway, so I am going to stay in the warm all day. So much so that I have worked out how to download the Racing Post onto my MacBook. This is excellent - it saves me a 4 mile journey to the newsagent to get it on a daily basis, I have no recycling to do and I can read it where ever I go. Oh the joys of modern technology. I am not expecting any B & B's while this work is going on as they cannot get up the drive either. I am just about recovered from my 900 miles round trip to the other end of the country and my clever horse is also safe and well. The greyhound did not know what to make of it all but she behaved very well and Geraldine says she can come again! I don't think so. Such a fag going to the races and then having to walk the dog every now and again, when the nerves are already completely shattered! Never went to the golf club, probably just as well, not my scene, all those people knocking little balls about.
I have been very busy harrowing the fields in order to move the animals about, and generally getting the place under control - Is there no end to my talents. Obviously not! Camilla called this morning and sorted out some downloads for the MacBook before she shoots off up to the smoke again. It's Esme's birthday next week so I must contact her. I think we should do something to celebrate - after all none of us are getting any younger. I have invited Bridget to supper whilst Sybil and George are away and I think we are going to enter the pub quiz on St Patrick's Day. I don't have a problem with all things Irish so hope there is plenty of guinness on tap. For the moment Bridg and I have abandoned the bridge lessons - too busy!
The tarmaccers have just knocked on the door as they have now managed to cut through my oil cables and oil is spilling everywhere! I have just turned my Aga off so they had better hurry up and repair it. What is the matter with bloody tradesmen, the other day my builder (who is doing a few little jobs for me) hacked through the telephone cables buried in the field. I received a bill from the phone company for £130.00 per broken cable and I have 2! I shall be knocking that off the builder's invoice. Is there no peace?

2011-02-24T22:51:00.004Z

I had a lunch party the other day to which Antoinette, Esme, Mildred and Victoria came. We had some fun and it was a good laugh. Antoinette was definitely in good form and 'in chatter mode' according to Esme! That was lost on me - what do I know I was only the host!
I went out to lunch with the B & B girlies and had a meal that was 'beyond historic' as Michael Winner would say. I had scallops on the beach and wow - the best meal I have eaten this year. Then Sybil called and invited me to supper. When invitations come, they come like buses, all or nothing! To start we had foie gras followed by boiled gammon. Yummie, just like being in the Alps. Really must find a slot in my busy schedule and go skiing. Soon I will be too old and my bones will break when I wipe out! Sybil is off on holiday on Sunday to Burma. I wonder if she will visit the Burma railway.
Today I am miles away from home. Anywhere north of the Thames is miles away from home. Camilla is at some racing car extravaganza for the weekend so I delivered her there on my way to up north. She has put herself on mysinglefriend.com. This sounds very scary to me, but what do I know! Watch this space! I shall pick her up on my return. What a journey I have had. I was on my way up the motorway when some stupid being decided to have an accident and I was caught up in a 7 miles tailback. Generally when one drives up the motorway, one does not have time to take in the scenery but today was the exception. Whilst in the static position I looked out at the surroundings which appeared to be a slag heap. There were at least 10 JCB's and dumpers making a big heap flatter. Who pays for this - is it us taxpayers? I suppose if one was a small boy and played with these corgi type toys, this would be their aspirations in grown up land. I am so glad I do not live up here - sooooooooo depressing, millions of people, millions of cars. I am staying with Geraldine. When I finally arrived, some 2 hours later that scheduled I am pleased to say there was a large Vodka waiting for me. Had a great supper, put the world to rights and had further bottle of wine. The greyhound was not too amused with a 7 hour journey, but she is now well ensconced in her new home and sleeping with her gorilla. We can't travel anywhere without her gorilla!
Geraldine is thinking of buying a new car and tomorrow we are off for a test drive in a car which will put a smile on her face, as opposed to a sensible model (boring). Next stop we are off to her golf club for lunch - that will be interesting!

2011-02-21T20:10:00.002Z

I went to our local countrystore to pick up a couple of sacks of peanuts for the birds - they are costing me a fortune, even more than the greyhound to feed. Did you know that in the last month peanuts have increased in price by a whooping 50%. Something to do with a bad harvest where ever they are grown! Anyway while I was at the checkout the cashier was muttering about having to look at everyones' shoes on the way out. Apparently someone had gone to the wellington boot section, taken off his boots, tried on some new ones, left his old ones on display, and walked out! How ingenious is that - can you really believe someone would do such a thing, especially in the country - what is the world coming to?
In an effort to keep the peanut costs down I purchased from said countrystore a squirrel trap last November. I got off to a flying start in 14 days I managed to trap 11 squirrels. I am not of a mind to kill the wretched vermin and have been driving them 3 miles away and releasing them. Then the snow came and that was that until today. Bingo squirrel no 12 walked in so he has been frog marched in a different direction.
I have given notice of suspension on my gym subscription as I seem to be so busy that I haven't got time to go, and as I can't seem to find a window of opportunity to go skiing, keeping my body in shape for such a venture, is not high on my agenda at the moment. I have however been concerned about the lines around my eyes, wrinkles I think they are called - so I have started out on another 10 week session with my magnificent machine and presto I shall soon be wrinkle free.
I am going to visit Geraldine miles away from home for the weekend and take in a little racing while we are about it. Unfortunately my house sitter can't come in until late and I am leaving early so I am going to have to take the greyhound with me! Great! Never mind she sleeps all day anyway, so all day in the car, she can sleep too! I am not sure she will like to have a loo stop on the motorway, she has never seen one of those before. The longest journey she has been on is down to the cottage in Cornwall. Unless she went on long journeys in her racing days, but I doubt it - she wouldn't have been a rescue greyhound if she was any good now would she.
Today I am the proud owner of an Apple Macbook. This is too clever. I can sit in the kitchen in the warm instead of going into my cold office and do all my computing. I shall even take it with me on my journey. Camilla is going to fix it up on Skype as well and get it to log in directly to my office computer when she returns from the smoke tomorrow. I shall be a business on the run. With the credit crunch biting I cannot afford to miss a single booking in the B & B!

2011-02-18T09:23:00.004Z

I don't quite know what happened to the last 5 months but they came and went in a haze. I do remember Christmas being very cold and snowy and sometime in that lot my horse did very, very well. Oh joy. He is off again soon to the other end of the country. Land that I have never visited before so I mean to set out 3 days early! This is all very well but whatever am I to do with the greyhound. I am still pondering this question. Oh yes, and the boyfriend was given the boot. I find people very irritating when they cannot make decisions about anything at all so he had to go. I have deleted him from my phone and email and that's that. Camilla also gave her boyfriend the boot for more or less the same reasons. It must run in the family. After a 6 month sabatical and down to her last £5. she has managed to get an excellent job in motor racing without even trying. Her boss of old called and demand that she work for her just like that. Who says there are no jobs out there. Anyway she can work from home and pops up to the smoke, first class on the train for 2 days a fortnight, with flat provided, and gets to attend all the races around the globe. Too clever.
I went off to Ireland for my birthday treat. The Duchess came with me and we stayed in the most fantastic hotel in the whole of Ireland. Well it is if you are of the horsey persuasion. We had such fun and I went to visit my mare who has been residing over there since last April, and we visited stallions to work out nominations. We were going to follow the hounds, but by the time we got to the meet they had moved off and we never did catch up with them! This was largely my fault as I went to my tailor to have a coat fitted and then we got lost on the way to the meet, mostly due to the fact that the Irish think it funny to turn signposts around!
Staying in the hotel were a group of farriers come over for a stag party and a day's hunting. There were also a couple of Americans and some acquaintances from Scotland over for the hunting.
You know you are in trouble when the only Valentine card to arrive through the letterbox reads - 61% of people believe in love at first sight, do you? And who do you suppose sent it - glassesdirect.co.uk - Great! Clearly there is no hope for me.
This time last year I had the Muslim in for B & B. This year so far I have been quite empty (and poor). This has led to very slothful ways. I get out of bed at 7.0'clock in the morning and let the greyhound out, feed her and then go back to bed. Sometimes I don't crawl out until 9.30 a.m. By the time I have sorted myself out it is lunchtime and then before I know it the day has gone. It must be something to do with growing old!
Yesterday was a gloriously sunny day which I spent in the garden. Today I am off to visit Victoria for coffee and lunch. We are going to discuss seeds and propagation. She is going to grow all my garden and greenhouse requirements from seed in her hugely expensive greenhouse.

2010-09-28T17:41:00.003+01:00

I got up at 7.30 a.m. this morning, let the greyhound out then went back to bed (no punters today!)woke up again at 9.30 a.m. How wonderful was that! I let the Aga out last night as the Aga man is coming mid day to give it a service, so I set about cleaning it while it was cold. One thing led to another, once I start cleaning I can see filth everywhere. I removed all the chair covers and washed them, the greyhound has a nasty habit of sleeping on all the chairs instead of her bed. The nice Aga man did a very good job and then went outside to check the oil tank - horror of horrors, it has a crack in it, fortunately at the top, so no oil was lost but now I have to have a new 2500 litre tank! Great!
Didn't manage to get to the boat on Saturday far too busy. Went to lunch with Antoinette and Gilbert which was excellent. Good company and lots of laughs. They will be joining me for a day or two in Cornwall.
Yesterday as I had no punters I went to visit my trainer and see my horses on the gallops. I am pleased to report that No 1 horse is coming along just fine and is on target for our plan. No 2 horse, bless, is coming along slowly and doing his best, but he is only a BIG baby. I suppose he should be point-to-pointing but since my other trainer died I thought we would jump straight in at the deep end. It may be a bit too deep but it is far to early to tell. As I was not far from the boyfriend's abode I thought I would call him and go for lunch but he was not anwering his phones. Well that's his bad luck. It was only when I was half way home that I realised that I forgot to look at No 3 horse! That's the trouble with having so many horses in training. He is coming home next week as he got a little bit injured so that's put paid to this season. I shall be able to see him on a daily basis. The Duchess had wanted me to go racing with her but first things first - she phoned me to say that her horse had been beaten by a nose, what a bugger
I have been on a diet for 4 weeks now and lost 10lbs. Excellent, I can now get into my wardrobe full of clothes again. The reality check came when I had to go up country for Tom's funeral and couldn't get into my Armani suit. Is there no end to my vanity? No alcohol, no caffine, no dairy and not a lot of much else either, but still 3 meals a day. I mean to drop just 2lbs more and that will do. Anyway back to the gym 1st October.
I phoned Geraldine last evening, she is understandably missing Tom and having good days and bad days, it's all about keeping busy and I should know. She has a place in Ibiza and is off there with some chums so that should cheer her up and then hopefully coming to stay with me after that. I thought we might catch the ferry to France and have a couple of nights away in one of my favourite haunts and told her to bring her passport. Antoinette thinks that a good idea and may come too! Camilla and Seamus have buzzed off to Spain until next week. Charles and Esme have gone overseas and are returning tomorrow. I do hope they had a lovely time as Charles has not been too well of late.

2010-09-23T20:08:00.002+01:00

The pigeon has been in the stable for 2 days now and was no better this morning so I phoned the vet to see if they could mend it. They asked if it was wild! When I said yes they said they could only euthanais it. Well charming, so if it was domestic they could deal with it. I mean if one found a hedgehog they would treat it - what's the difference? Anyway I took it down to the gamekeeper and he wrung it's neck. Oh dear.
I had a very busy day yesterday. After troughing out the B & B guests I had to sort out the arrival of 40 tons of chalk which had to be flattened in front of the field shelters so that the horses don't get muddy feet in the winter. Another 40 tons is due but the weather today put paid to that. I then hurried off to the hairdresser where I had a change of style (to suit my new hats!) before zooming off to the slaughterhouse to pick up one of my dexter beef animals, duly cut into quarters, for my friends to pick up. The meat is absolutely amazing, even though I say it myself. I am sending another animal next week for the chop. Too many friends not enough animals! By the time I had done that and sat down and done a great pile of ironing it was time to leg it out to the quiz night. Our team name is Bridget's Heroes. We went along quite well and thought we were in with a very good chance of winning. We all got quite excited and thought we might change the team to 'Super Heroes' but alas we were pipped by 2 points. Bugger. The winning team had 8 people whereas we had only 5 and the maximum was 6 in each team. How does that work? I was responsible for the loss of 1 point, but hey ho better luck next time. Unfortunately I cannot go to the next quiz as I shall be retreating to my hidey hole in Cornwall - oh bliss - I don't expect they will miss me.
Must go down to the boat tomorrow as someone keeps disconnecting it from shore power which is very annoying. Everything in the fridge goes black. Great. If it is a nice weekend the skipper will take us out on Saturday. Can't go on Sunday as Antoinette has kindly invited me to lunch. This will be her first go at entertaining since her accident. In the meantime it's head down and keep troughing out the B & B's - pays money, keeps the horses!

2010-09-21T20:36:00.003+01:00

Letters keep arriving in the post. First they want me to have a mammogram and the unit is in Tesco car park, now they want to know why I am 6 months overdue for a smear test. Well I will tell you why - because I hate the very thought of it, that's why. However, in view of the fact that my horse trainer told me that his ex wife had just been diagnosed with womb cancer I thought I had better pull my finger out and I have reluctantly made an appointment. Can't wait!
When I was in Bath yesterday I did some Christmas shopping - how organised is that and then I bought not 1 but 3 hats ready to wear when the horse is racing. You see there is this wonderfully eccentric lady who owns the shop and you have never seen so many hats. She asked me if I wanted a trilby, but I said no. The great thing is that she charges half the price of the London hatters, so really I only bought 1.5 hats! Exactly, a woman's logic!
Today I have been out to lunch with 'the landladys' + 1 ex landlady and they all had a good gossip. There are 3 people in the local hospital with this and that, and if you had a mind you could do one round of visiting. I do not have a mind to do that at all. Then there is Susan. She has left her (third) husband and has gone off with a younger Polish dentist or optician, but they were not quite sure which. Well I don't blame her, I don't know how she stuck it for so long anyway! Good on her.
Bridget phoned - the monthly pub quiz is commencing tomorrow night. Last winter our team were called 'The Beaters', but Bridg and I have decided to get our own team together this winter as they never listened to our answers or took us seriously. Probably rightly, but that is not the point. Sybil is joining the team plus 2 chaps of Bridget's choosing and as yet we have no name. Tomorrow is billed 'Italian night' so I guess it's pasta for supper. I have never been to Italy, well except for Venice, know nothing Italian except that Mussolini was a Facist dictator and Pavorotti was from Italy. I know where Monza is and a few cities but that's about it, so I guess I won't be much good. That's a good start. I bet Bridget doesn't know much more so our fate will lie with Sybil and the chaps I reckon!
I was walking the greyhound down the drive when I happened upon a wood pigeon who appeared not to want to fly. Fortunately the greyhound was more interested in a rabbit so I picked up said pigeon and it is currently residing in one of my stables. I have no idea what is the matter with it but I have given it some corn and water and will see if it is still alive tomorrow. I think it is this year's bird and is very fat, definitely not short of food. I suppose I could always wring it's neck and have pigeon breasts for supper.

2010-09-19T21:49:00.003+01:00

Good Lord alive - where have the past 5 months gone? I have been working flat out with my head down and I am pleased to report that as of today B & B has dropped off like a stone from a great height. Hooray. For the ensuing 7 months it will now be a trickle and more importantly I have got my life back.
In June I went on holiday to France with Antoinette to visit her friends and on the last day she lost her balance on the pavement, went down and broke her hip. Well that was interesting. Thank goodness she had insurance as the first thing the paramedics asked was "do you have insurance?" - answer yes, and we were whisked away to a Clinic. That is the difference between going to the local hospital and a clinic. I mean I take out holiday insurance but only carry it with me skiing where I am quite likely to be stretchered off the slopes, but walking along a pavement ............. Lesson learned. Poor old thing - I had to leave her there as I needed to catch the ferry as I had 12 breakfasts to cook the following morning! I am pleased to say she returned 7 days later, that it has healed and she is now only just off her walking sticks!
The tomatoes in my greenhouse have been prolific this year, in fact I am sick of the sight of the wretched things. There are only so many a girl can eat so mostly they have been given away to anyone who wants them.
In July my horses went back into training so let's hope we can have some fun this winter. We have a plan but with horses nothing is straightforward, so I have no idea if we can pull it off. Watch this space! The mare is still in Ireland and no she is not in foal. I think she just likes practising! I have no idea what this is costing me but I have agreed to leave her there and we will try again in February - Irish Albert says 'sure we can do a deal'. I did ask him what the deal was and he is thinking about it. In for a penny, in for a pound! Now that I've got my life back I think I will have to go over there and check it out.
I am not quite sure what Bridget and I are going to do about the bridge lessons. We thought we were coming along famously, however a game with Esme, Hillie and Carol quickly revealed how rubbish we are and we spent 6 months learning the basics. On that form the other 2 had just as well give up now!
Sadly Geraldine lost her husband 2 weeks ago so that was a long trip up the country and down again. I am so glad I visited 4 weeks previously to give my hugs and kisses.
Last week I had 6 individual wins on the premium bonds - how queer is that. I think the needle must have got stuck and the numbers drawn were not all that far apart. Bless them, every little helps.
Camilla has just returned from one month on the beach at Fire Island and has now gone off the Goodwood for 3 days before breezing up to the big smoke to investigate a job and on her return she is then breezing off to Spain with Seamus for a week - what am I doing wrong!
I am off to Bath on the train in the morning for a shopping expedition - a little retail therapy is the order of the day after all the graft I have put in over the last 5 months! Another 10 days and my gym subscription recommences. Everything back to normal.

2010-04-23T22:21:00.003+01:00

I have returned. I should have been in Ireland this past week but the volcanic dust put paid to all that! However the Duchess kindly allowed me to use the hidey hole in Cornwall. Bliss. The greyhound came along too. The day before I set out I had to attend a funeral which was all very sad - but that's life.
Whilst I have been away I have read 2 books, one of which I have been meaning to read for 10 years! A biography of Somerville & Ross, given to me by my Irish friend Sarah, very interesting it was too. The other, a biography of Elizabeth David which I purchased in a charity shop about 5 years ago. Well better late than never - that's what I say. There is nothing quite like hanging around in your pyjamas all day if the mood takes which is why the cottage in Cornwall is so special. Away from everything and everyone -just the water lapping on the shoreline and the waders going about their daily business.
The greyhound was getting bored by lack of activity, so yesterday I forced myself to leave base. After calling at the village shop for the newspaper I thought a 5 miles walk would be good. We set off at a gallop and en route stopped off for sustinence at the pub. I can definitely recommend the Cornish Rattler (cider). Onwards we marched to Scotts Quay by which time I was completely knackered. After a little nap in a field by the river in the sun, it was time to retrace our tracks. Alas it was uphill all the way back to the car. 3 weeks away from the gym has taken it's toll. We came back very slowly - Damn that Rattler! If things had turned out differently I could have been at the races in Ireland frequenting the Seafood and Champagne Bar daily. Hey ho tiddly pom.
Camilla phoned. Seamus is taking her on holiday next week to Tresco - they are going by helicopter. How cool is that! Well obviously with all that volcanic dust about one doesn't want to be stranded somewhere in the world and unable to get home!
I have a very hectic weekend ahead, wedding guests for B & B so I must now get my act back into gear. It's all very well gallavanting about, but one does have to put in a bit of graft now and again! I have had communication from Ireland to say that the mare has been covered - let's hope that she takes first time (to keep the expense down don't you know).
I am meeting my skipper at the boat this weekend, the weather looks great and we are going to put to sea.

2010-04-15T09:54:00.004+01:00

The postman arrived today and delivered me £100. win on the premium bonds! Well that will help - I am taking the Duchess out to lunch later and then she is going to show me her new farm purchase and we'll have a look round her horses. As it is a nice sunny day I think I will take the Porsche for a spin.
I have been very busy in the maintenance department filling up the potholes in the drive, repairing the verges and mowing the lawns. I did all this before I went off the Ireland. On my return the lawn looks like a bomb has hit it. Because the ground is warming the leatherjackets are ticking away under the surface and the Mistle Thrushes can hear them - so they, bless them, have pecked away all over the place. What with that and the rabbits the place looks a complete mess!
My trip to Ireland was great, the Dunraven Arms was par excellence. I was a guest of the owners and I had the most enormous room, a Junior Suite! It was so big I could have lived there permanently! Any other business as interesting as well. Much food and guinness was consumed the only problem was I had to come home! Anyway I am off again next week for the racing and that will definitely be a marathon. Can't wait!
I was minding my own business down on the boat when some chap asked me if the boat was for sale (I did briefly advertise it at the end of the season last year) so I told him 'yes at a price!' He said that it was much more money than last year, so I told him last year was last year, and this year is this year! I don't think I will be hearing from him again! Anyway having been to all the trouble of securing a skipper and getting the boat in great condition why would I want to sell it? We seem to have a little leak on the water pump but my man is going to put that right next week when I am away.
Last week, just before I left for Ireland one of my B & B guests seemed unable to work the fan heater which is kept in the bedrooms for backup should the central heating not be sufficient. He managed to burn a hole in the carpet about which nothing could be done. I told him he would have to pay for the damage to which he readily agreed (that will teach him!) I am waiting for the carpet man to lay a new carpet today. I really do wonder about the type of guest I attract - thick or what! This is the 2nd time this has happened. Oh well, continue like this in due course I will have new carpets everywhere!
I have received an invitation from Sybil - she is having a house warming party in the near future. This is one party NOT to be missed.

2010-04-08T21:27:00.002+01:00

Drat those horses! Yesterday was a bad day. No 1 and 2 horses came home on the lorry for their summer holidays and No 3 and 4 horses were due to go into training, well that was the plan anyway. I got up very early in the morning with a plan! I caught said horses and got them in the stables, shoved some dope down their throats and everything seemed to be going according to my plan. The lorry arrived with returning horses and when we went to load No 3 & 4 the buggers would not walk into the lorry. We tried for 90 minutes but still now joy so I sent the lorry away empty - great! I am very cross with these naughty horses. The problem was that I requested a back loading lorry and since nobody listens to me, a side loading lorry arrived! The difference is that I have a ramp for back loading where the horse walks in on the level. With side loading they have to walk up a steep incline. No 3 horse has travelled before so he had no excuse apart from being bloody minded. No 4 horse has never been in a lorry before and he clearly thought home was more appealing! The last time I had trouble loading horses was way back in Camilla's days at pony club. Then another lorry arrived to take the mare to stud in Ireland but the problem here was that the driver did not listen to my instructions and decided to try and get an 8 horse lorry up my drive to the house instead to the top stable yard. Consequently that had to be reversed back down the drive and in the process the driver took out all my verges with huge tyre tracks because he was a useless driver (more repair work required). Anyway after all that she only took 2 mintues to load. That's more like it! I have had a phone call this morning to say she arrived safe and well.
The boat was launched today but with all these other comings and goings I did not have time to go and check this out, so hopefully it has been put in it's proper place and has not floated off out to sea! I will have to check this out tomorrow. I sent a message to my skipper only to find out that he is in Spain, fat lot of good that is, especially when the weather this weekend is supposed to be wonderful.
As the grass is now starting to grow I thought I might have a quick blast around the lawns with the mower (simple thought you might think - but that would be too easy). I went into the garage only to find it had 2 flat tyres. One tyre was supposed to have been repaired and the other must have had a slow puncture that I did not notice. Another job scuppered! I jacked the blighter up and took the wheels off today and took them in for repair. I will collect them tomorrow. I have got to get these lawns done before I take of for Ireland on Sunday otherwise I will be cutting silage. Is there no end to it?

2010-04-04T16:49:00.005+01:00

I was fast asleep in bed last night when the bell rang about midnight. It was my gay boys - the fire alarm was ringing away and would not stop. I hurried down in my dressing gown to find one of them wandering around in his dressing gown and slippers! There was no fire so I re-set the alarm. This morning at breakfast they told me there was no hot water last night and not much this morning which was a complete load of rubbish as there was condensation in the shower like you wouldn't believe. On reflection it was obviously the steam which set the alarm off. So now they have emptied two cisterns of hot water - it's just as well I checked other guests into a different part of the house with different cistern. I did that so they would not be next door to the gays, in case there was some grunting and groaning going on - perish the thought! Gay No 2 half sat and half stood for breakfast this morning! Oh my god. They are going tomorrow and I can't wait. What with all this stuff on the news about gays being barred from B & B's and discrimination I must grin and bear it. The trials and tribulations of being a landlady!
Camilla and Seamus popped in yesterday with my Easter card. As Camilla is on a diet she told him 'no chocolate' so he kindly purchased her a lovely leather handbag. I was very jealous, but hopefully she will let me borrow it. She borrows all my stuff from time to time.
I went for a walk in the local woods with Mildred and the dogs. The greyhound was not impressed she came home and spent the rest of the day and night asleep! Mildred is still having man trouble and on top of that is getting emotional blackmail from her brother who is clearly a waster! I MUST get Camilla to fix her up with Dick Barton!
I have been down to the boat and my man has got it ship shape and ready to launch in the water next week. She looks like a shiny new pin on the outside. My job is to clean the inside! I think I will send my cleaner down to do it! I am pleased to report that the dinghy has no leaks so I must get that down to the boatyard with the outboard motor and then I must contact my skipper as we will soon be ready to set sail to sea weather permitting!
While I have been writing this I noticed heaps and heaps of ladybirds all whizzing about my office windows so I have just popped them outside. Spring must be coming and about time too!

2010-04-03T09:10:00.005+01:00

I am in shock! Two days ago some guests checked in for the Easter break. They had booked over the internet and when they arrived they were a pair of male gays. That in itself is alright and they were very pleasant. I ascertained that one worked in Buckingham Palace which did not surprise me as according to the newspapers there is plenty of that stuff going on in there! This morning at breakfast the other one ate his breakfast standing up! Can you imagine - what ever did my other guests think. I am getting too old for this!
I swear the world has gone mad. I took car No 3 in for an MOT and sat, as you do, in the waiting room while it was being done. Melvin, the nice guy behind the counter said had I noticed the 2 new screens on the wall. I thought they were television screens to while away the time - No, they were screens so customers can watch their cars being MOT'd! Why? At first I thought this was an April Fool.
Who in heavens name would want to watch their car being MOT'd - sad people I imagine. Apparently they cost rather a lot of money so I imagine the price of an MOT will rise in future! Great.
The Duchess telephoned to say that her daughter Millie has sold her charming house. It was advertised in Country Life for one week and had 8 viewings, just like that. A pop singer offered the asking price but the following day changed his mind and then a lovely female agreed to buy it for the asking price. Job done. The wedding is apparently still going ahead and Millie has agreed to visit the vicar to get a date - watch this space! Millie has now taken over her new farm, but the house requires a lot of work so the builders will be in shortly. In the meantime she will continue to live in London as she has a foreman to carry out the necessary work on the farm for the time being. I am taking the Duchess out to lunch and she is going to show me the farm, very exciting, but unfortunately this cannot be done until I return from my Irish trip as the rest of my days are taken up with busy things.
The boyfriend has gone to Turkey for a holiday. He is fed up with this dreadful weather the decided to get a suntan. I cannot imagine anything more dreadful than going to Turkey, not that I was invited - but even if I was I definitely would decline. Well I suppose it could have been Tunisia, that would have be worse!

2010-03-31T13:30:00.004+01:00

Camilla phoned this morning - I was still in bed! Well I did get up and do the Muslim's breakfast and then I went back to bed. Last night I went to this Grand Gala Dinner which was interesting. On our table we had the local vicar and her husband, a couple of dignitaries, a farmer and his wife and some other people I did not know, nor did I get around to finding out about. At the time the food seemed OK but at 3 o'clock this morning I was in and out of the loo until I was quite empty! A good job I was an invited guest or that would definitely have been money down the toilet! As Camilla rightly pointed out that will have helped my diet no end.
I spent yesterday afternoon with my nose in my bridge lessons books. Bridget has been very busy swotting (probably so she could be teacher's pet) so I thought I had better make an effort ready for our lesson tonight. However this morning Jules phoned to say Queenie has had a dire emergency, but we know not what and she Jules has been in stress mode for three days. I phoned Bazzer, our bridge teacher, to cancel tonights lesson and he was cool. Apparently the African (long story) has appeared in town all the way from Nigeria and rocked up on the local priest's doorstep saying the Catholic Church had brought her over here. Social Services contacted Jules, as she is the only person in this part of the world that the African seems to have made acquaintence with! As the African is prone to telling many lies the SS wonder if Jules may have been involved in child trafficing! What a ridiculous notion. I know we live in the country but I do think SS may have been watching too much television! It's a story too long to tell, but over the last few months we have been laughing a lot - not any more - well not for the time being anyway!
As Bridget and I are in bridge mode, she is coming over for supper (rabbit food) and we will discuss what we have learned!
Sybil has arrived home from her holidays but unfortunately had bronchial pneumonia for part of the trip. Luckily she flew in the day before the BA strike. She has invited me to lunch on Easter Monday so I will hear all about it then.
Geraldine called to say that she had been contacted by a mysterious half brother. Well she apparrently knew about him somewhere in her childhood but he did not know about her. How exciting! Anyway they are meeting on Good Friday for a drink and going for a game of golf on Saturday (he plays golf) if all goes according to plan. She is very worried that he may have a low handicap and show her up! She is off to get roots tinted so that she doesn't look too old to swing a club!

2010-03-26T17:15:00.006Z

According to Radio 5 with all the rain we have had this winter there are 40% more potholes in the roads. This would figure as my drive has holes all over the place and so it is that I have been to the builder's merchant and purchased some tarmac. As soon as the weather dries up, if the weather ever dries up, I will have to go on potholing duty. This to me looks like the cheaper option rather than have the drive resurfaced.
I went to the gym yesterday and had a good workout and then went into the steam room. Some stranger came in and started talking to me. I am in there to relax not talk to bloody strangers so I did not answer. It's just as well my sub is being suspended as it's half term next week, more dam kids! I went down to check on the boat only to find that my man had not yet got it ready to go in the water, so it won't be in, in time for Easter, not that it matters too much as hopefully I will be full up with guests over the Bank Holiday weekend. Which reminds me I must go out in the garage and pump up the dinghy to check for punctures. It won't be much good setting out to sea without a spare conveyance should we sink!
At the moment bookings for the Easter weekend are looking a bit dire so hopefully they will pick up over the next few days! I have had some guests check-in today who arrived in a classic car. They have come down from up country to take part in a classic car rally. Whatever takes your fancy!
Charles phoned, he is supposed to be going to Dehli tomorrow to meet Esme and family but unfortunately BA have cancelled his flight. He has now been put on a earlier flight to Bombay with a 6 hour delay before going onward to Dehli! I am sure I don't know what he will do as he gets in such a flap when things don't go according to plan! He has armed himself with a list of what he can and cannot eat and has taken a large supply of imodium tablets! Sybil is supposed to be flying home from Mauritius tomorrow also on BA and Victoria is returning from Florida with BA - Oh dear.
I am off for supper with Antionette on Monday to discuss our holiday arrangements and have been invited to a black tie Grand Charity Gala 5 course Dinner later in the week. My diet is struggling so I have no idea what I shall wear - unless some miracle happens Mr Armani's clothes will be staying in the wardrobe!

2010-03-24T15:25:00.003Z

Madge and Wendy came to lunch - I opened up the summerhouse and we had lunch there. It's very funny how lives go in different directions but at least we are all survivors. The days go by so quickly I'm not sure what I have been doing. Charles and I set off for the races where Horse No 1 was placed in big race and that has earned BLACK TYPE for the pedigree. Hooray, that effectively means that brothers and sisters that I have sitting in the fields have increased in value, however that is only relevant if I wish to sell them, which I don't, I don't think. I have fished the dam out of retirement and have arranged for her to travel to Ireland next week to be covered by a posh stallion - I bet she thought she had finished child bearing! This will cost me loads of money but who cares - I can't take it with me.
Antoinette has booked us a little holiday in a couple of months in France. She has been put in charge of everything so it will be a magical mystery tour for me as I have no idea where we are going or what we are going to do. I am looking forward to this enormously as my last holiday was cut short. I have however, in the meantime, booked myself out to Ireland to visit my horse at stud and stay in the Dunraven Arms - it's the only place to stay. Not far away in Limerick is the most amazing tailor so I think I might treat myself to a tweed something or the other to wear racing next season. Posh horse, now need posh clothes. He has had my measurements for several years now but I have never got to round to having something made, although I imagine we will have to have a little re-measure! If you are ever in the little village of Hospital you will have to look him up.
The muslim is still in residence and informed me this morning that he wishes to stay until at least the end of April, wonderful news. I also have some very strange guests staying. They were discussing the horses I have in the field and one thing and another and I told them that No 1 had been a very clever boy. They said "Oh what did you win - a rosette". A rosette!! A rosette indeed - I informed them that you win rosettes in the Pony Club - Don't townies know anything. Hey ho such is life.
I have not had time to go to the gym these last 2 weeks and my subscription is suspended from 1st April for 6 months while I jump about and do my B & B in earnest. If I try I may be able to squeeze in 3 more visits. The boat is supposed to be going in the water next week so I do hope my man has done the anti-fouling and all the other little jobs that need doing - I must go and check up on this tomorrow.
We are having early bridge lesson tonight and then we are off to the Thai restuarant for Queenie and my belated birthday treats. As I am now on a strict diet I am sure I don't know what I shall eat. Mildred is coming to supper tomorrow night for a good old gossip, but that's fine we shall eat rabbit food.

2010-03-12T22:12:00.006Z

I am supposed to be on holiday, but unfortunately this was cut short by a mishap at home. Horses, who'd have them! My trainer phoned to say that No 2 horse is going to run somewhere north of the Thames so I would have had to return early anyway. I must say the weather was wonderful, blue sunny skies and not at all cold for the beginning of March. Amazing.
Mildred and I had a great laugh and lots of wine. The greyhound also enjoyed herself, she hasn't walked so far for ages. Mildred loves to walk so she was in charge of dog walking while I sat down, read a book and drank wine. We were obviously in a very cosmopolitan area as the little village shop where I went daily to procure the Racing Post also sold Le Figaro and some German newspaper as well as the broadsheets. Not only that it sold freshly baked Croissants and Pain Chololat. Yummie. I was impressed. The cottage is on the river and it was very weird because there were neap tides and the water hardly moved up or down. Mildred believes in all that stuff about star signs and the moon controlling our beings but I can't say I noticed anything during our stay!
Talked to the Duchess on the telephone - her daughter Gloria's intended came to visit to ask for Gloria's hand in marriage, to which she readily agreed. The problem is will Gloria accept. They are talking about a late May wedding which is a bloody nuisance as the Armani suit I purchased is grey/blue and this will certainly not do for that time of the year. I will have to get on and lose some weight in readiness for the big day.
Mildred phoned at no notice at all and asked me to lunch as our old school friends were coming round. I haven't seen either of them for hundreds of years - Madge and Wendy. Well you could have knocked me down with a feather - I would probably have recognised Wendy but not Madge but we did have a laugh about the old times. Madge is living in Austria and only here for a short break. Mildred had to hurry off about her business and I mine so I asked them to supper next week only to learn that they don't go out at night and more sadly don't eat late as it doesn't rest well in their stomachs!! Get a life girls there is so much fun to be had - we could be dead tomorrow. Anyway they are coming to lunch instead.

2010-03-07T00:00:00.005Z

Diddly dee, had a bridge lesson this week which was complete rubbish, even though I say it myself, we were not up to scratch. Bridget arrived and announced that she had a lump! A lump! Where? Well it transpired it was in her groin - no worries this is clearly a hernia. No it could not be a hernia you don't get hernias in the punani region! What is a punani? After much laughing I discovered a punani is a word created by Borat - what do I know! Anyway Bridg went to the doctor to discover her lump was merely fatty tissue. Phew panic over, diet to commence! The cards did not stack up and so more gossip ensued, much more fun. I don't think our bridge teacher has ever had to cope with chaps like us.
I am going on holiday and Mildred is going to join me for 3 days. I now find I have to take the greyhound with me, as for the last 2 nights she has had a crapper and I cannot leave her behind for someone else to clear up the mess. I am sure she is doing this on purpose! This means I will have to get up in the morning and take the dog for a walk instead of lazing in bed as I would have liked. Bugger! Going on holiday is not an easy matter these days - all the sockets in the house are being used - charge the toothbrush, the Ipod, the telephone, the bluetooth, the camera, the sat nav where does it end - it's a good job I don't have a vibrator!
The Duchesss had a horse run today which was a great disappointment, needless to say it is being returned home tomorrow. I told her to do this a month ago, another month of fees wasted, but she would not listen. The boyfriend phoned - 2 of his horses have broken down, that leaves 2 to run, I do hope he has more luck soon! He is thinking of buying a little family of Dexter cattle and asked my opinion on what he should pay for them. What do I know, but I am looking into the matter for him. He will be joining me for the latter part of my holiday but only if he brings plenty of champagne. That's the deal!
Esme had a hunt meet at home this morning which was bloody freezing. She was mounted, which I must say was most impressive as only last last year she took a tumble and was concussed for 7 days! At our age darling, hunting is for the young! I arrived for the stirrup cup only to have thrust into my hands some sausage rolls to hand round. By the time I had done this and got back to the landrover there was no more port left - the place had been drunk dry! As it was Esme's big birthday a few of us girlfriends turned up in support. Antoinette got frostbite in the foot department and Hillie, who doesn't know the front end from the back end of a horse was more concerned about going shopping!
Tonight I went out for Esme's birthday celebrations. There were plenty of us and we all had a great laugh, well I did anyway. The queer thing was that while we were drinking champagne in the kitchen, Charles was out with the mop, mopping up around us, the champagne that had fizzed onto the floor. When questioned about this he said that if it was left, it would be go sticky. And you wonder why I worry about my friends! I am getting even more worried about sharing a room with him when we go racing soon!

2010-03-01T20:57:00.004Z

Today has been the most beautiful sunny day and not before time. Spring has hopefully finally arrived. After I had finished doing the business with my guests I went down to the boat to meet my man who is going to get it and ship shape and Bristol fashion and ready to launch at the end of the month. Can't wait. I met Bridget for lunch by the river, the weather being so glorious we sat outside and had a very enjoyable time.
The Duchess is coming out of hospital tomorrow complete with her new hip. That was a quick business although I can't blame her wanting to get out before she catches MRSA.
The NHS kindly sent me a Screening Programme for Bowel Cancer. I have no idea why but presumably it is for persons of a certain age, although god knows why. They can't cope with the sick people they have got, why would they want to keep more people alive? Anyway I read through the instructions which looked positively vile. They read as follows: Collecting the first sample - It is important that the bowel motion you take the sample from has not been in the toilet bowl! Suggestions for catching your sample are - folded pieces of toilet paper - your hand covered in a small plastic bag - or crap in a disposable container! Great. I mean I don't mind sifting through horse shit, but this really takes the biscuit. One has to take samples over 3 separate motions but not longer than 14 days from 1st to last! Now I have a daily bowel motion but the very thought of this sent whatever had a mind to come out straight back where it came from! To cut a long story short I have now obtained 1 of 3! It is positively the most disgusting thing you could ever imagine. It appears Charles has received the kit as well. I wonder if he has done it yet. It really does not bear thinking about.
A man knocked on my door yesterday - he was delivering my Reebok Step Box which I purchased through ebay. There is a god. Poor man he delivered it personally as he was having trouble with the carriers. Well I paid £14. carriage but I bet it cost him a lot more than that to deliver it, he came from miles away. Funny thing I thought I purchased it from Suzybabe but he didn't look like a Suzybabe! I didn't have time to go to the gym today so I had a good go on it tonight carrying weights in my hands. Phew!
My very good friend Jemima phoned yesterday from Canada, she's a horsey person too. Unfortunately her husband who has been poorly for several years died last Tuesday. She phoned to say that she will be flying over to Ireland for the racing which is great, party, party, party! I met her there some 15 years ago when we all had very different lives! Horse No 2 stepped out but unfortunately only managed to finish 5th. She got stuck in the mid and was puffed out, bless. Maybe next time.

2010-02-25T18:33:00.004Z

With all this dreadful weather we have been having I ran out of coal for the fire. Today was the day I received a delivery. This in itself was good but unfortunately the lorry driver decided that instead of turning in the stable yard he would back all the way back down the drive to the road. As I was going off to the gym to my horror I see that he was unable to drive straight and has now left huge tyre imprints in my verges, and I mean huge! It looks as though a gypsy lives at my gaff what with mud all over the drive and the dreadful hedge cutting by the next door farmer. I am supposed to be a 4 Star Rated B & B, but the approach doesn't look like it!
The Duchess has gone into hospital to have a new hip, and would you believe it, she went up to town to her hairdresser to have her roots done before being admitted. Her vanity knows no bounds! Her horse did not run very well a couple of days ago so she was none too pleased with that. The boyfriend's horse also ran on the same card and that was a distant 3rd, but nevertheless still in the prize money. My number 2 horse is due to step out in a minute if the fixture is not cancelled due to waterlogging.
One of my toaster's packed up the other day (I have 2 - very busy B & B) and in this age of consumerism, I had a mind to just throw it away and get a new one until I saw the price on the internet £230.00! While I was busy ferreting around for a better deal I came across toaster elements on ebay. Well I bought 2 elements for £15.00 which arrived the next day. It took me an hour to dismantle the toaster and insert the new element only to find I had replaced the wrong one! Anyway it is working now - how clever am I? The grill element is on the way out so I have ordered one of those off the internet. It was a little tricky locating said item as my Neff Oven is over 28 years old and the elements have been discontinued! While I was about it I purchased on ebay a Reebok Step Box to keep me fit between gym days! That was 10 days ago. To date I have not received said item nor can I seem to contact the seller. I wonder if this is going to be a skam. I will keep you posted!
There were no bridge lessons this week as Jules is away so I went with Bridget to her local for a pub quiz. There were 15 teams of 6 - we called ourselves 'The Beaters'. Strike a light - we won by 1 point - how cool this that! Definitely a step up from our last effort. Bridg and myself were pretty crap, I could answer all the horsey questions, Bridg could answer all the stuff in OK and Grazia! Well it wasn't quite that bad but near enough! However without our input we would not have won - Prize £40. We have left it in the pot hopefully to return on St Patrick's night and defend our crown, that is if Number 1 horse is not running at Cheltenham!

2010-02-21T20:49:00.005Z

Today I have been out to lunch to celebrate Willemina's birthday. Sybil kindly invited me and a very good birthday lunch it was too - lots of laughs. Willenmina's friend Gordon had flown in from Belfast for the weekend. Bridget had determined that he has a brother who is available and if he is as yummy as Gordon then this could be a good match! Well it's got to be better than the MuddyPaws website! I suggested that perhaps we might fly to Belfast go to a point-to-point and accidentally bump into him at a place to be determined. Bridg thought this a good idea, Willemina wants to come to, so we may find ourselves on a little expedition shortly. Frankly I thought Gordon delightful but apparently he bats for the other side so that won't do!
I was minding my own business reading the Racing Post on my return from lunch when Emily dropped in. Well what a surprise - I haven't clapped eyes on her since before Christmas. I've been busy, she's been busy da, da so we had a good gossip, put the world to rights and now think we will go up to town to see Warhorse at the theatre. The Duchess went last week and said it was amazing so we had better go before it finishes. I must get on the case. Emily has taken to pottery and has bought herself a wheel. She has invited me to come and have a go, but as I pointed out you have to be of a calm disposition, not stressed, to do that sort of thing. I know this because I went to pottery night classes about 10 years ago but after 3 lessons, I still could not get the clay into any shape which did not disintegrate and it would go flying off the wheel and my patience went with it. Needless to say I did not return for the duration of the course! I think I will let her get on with it!
The Duchess has kindly let me stay in her cottage in the most idyllic place in England so I am off there in a couple of weeks for a little break. The Muslim will just have to get his own breakfast and clean his own room if he wishes to reside in my guest accommodation. I will tell him tomorrow when he returns - his choice!
Antoinette has just popped off to Spain for a few days to visit friends and get a bit of sun leaving Gilbert to fend for himself - it's a good job she didn't go to Maderia otherwise she might have got washed away. Spoke to Geraldine on the phone tonight and she is under 6" of snow! All this global warming is a worry.

2010-02-19T22:58:00.003Z

Another bloody week gone! On Wednesday I went shopping and purchased a beautiful Armani suit hopefully for Gloria's on or off wedding, but at least I am prepared. Depending upon whether it is sooner rather than later will be what colour I purchase my new hat and shoes. Bridge lessons were absolute rubbish at Jules house so we are having a little break from our teacher while we put in some practice - maybe this will make a difference, although it is not easy when one is brain dead! And I do mean brain dead. I left my mobile phone there.
I took car number 1 in for an MOT which sailed through with flying colours. Thank God for that! When I got back I found that my lawnmower had been returned from it's annual service, complete with new front tyres. The old ones were completely worn out from all the whizzing about they do in the summer. This week has been very busy in the B & B as there is some regional horsey competition going on over 4 days and people are coming from all over. My gay boys are booked in. They have been coming to stay for the last 3 years. Once you get your head around it, having 2 chaps in a double bed is quite normal. Apparently this is quite rife among the dressage set! At least they are tidy and that is essential.
I phoned Victoria yesterday as I haven't seen her since before Christmas. She has been laid low with a bout of flu or something and is only just recovering. It must have been bad as she hasn't played tennis for 3 weeks! She was just booking a holiday in the U.S. staying quite close to my sister. It took her 2 days to find a suitable kennel for her little dog to stay in while she's away. Nothing local would suit at all darling. Wantage, that's where Henry is going - bloody miles away. It is a 5 Star dog hotel with underfloor heating and the complete doggie business. Well Henry's stay is going to cost the same as Victoria's holiday. I am seriously beginning to wonder about my friends!
With all these guests about I just couldn't muster the energy to go to the gym and anyway it is still half-term so the thought of those children quite put me off. I went off to retrieve my mobile and when I returned the farmer next door had decided to do my hedgecutting without giving me advance notice. Mess, you have never seen such a mess! There were cuttings all over the drive you could hardly see the tarmac. I couldn't leave them there with a house full of guests so I had to hitch the trailer on to my car and go and pick them up, and I thought I was coming home to sit down and read the paper! 3 big trailer loads and then I had to tip them. I thought I had better get the mower out and mow the verges so at least one could see the grass and blow the cuttings away, and keep the place tidy. Big mistake. By the time I had done that on my newly serviced lawnmower I had 2 punctures. Bugger the blackthorn that's what I say, but I suppose it's better than my guests getting punctures in their 4WD's and giving me grief. Now I've got to get the the wheels off the mower and get the bloody punctures mended. Life doesn't get any better than this!

2010-02-16T22:07:00.004Z

The days all come and go at such a speed I can hardly keep up - what am I going to do when I am busy with guests! I have no idea what I have been doing since my last ramblings except that bridge lessons are going well. I have ordered a bridge table from our teacher which I will collect at tomorrow night's lesson. Too exciting!
I did not have a single Valentine card, the Duchess had 2. She thinks one was from her lover and the other from an 80 year old who lives down the road. Worrying if you ask me. We went to the local point-to-point which was freezing cold, didn't see a single race and had no idea what was going on as there were too many people to talk to and have a drink with. Well one must be sociable, mustn't one? We left after the 5th race and came home to watch the television as the Duchess had a horse running up country. It was just as well we didn't drive miles up country as the horse turned out to be a non-runner! She banged her head in the racecourse stable and had blood coming down her nose and the vet wouldn't let her run. That would have been a 200 mile round trip. Phew. Then we watched the boyfriend's horse running somewhere nearer to home. That came 3rd. I wonder why he did not send me a Valentine card - probably was unaware it was Valentine's Day! My nag has also stepped out. Charles and I went to the races to watch. I think Esme was glad to get rid of him for the day. Well bless he came 2nd only just beaten by the horse we beat last time, now we are evens stevens. A bit more prize money in the coffers. This is his last race before the big one. It is one thing to have a plan but quite another to pull it off, but one can but try.
I have received an invitation to Esme's big birthday. It is an all day affair commencing at the Hunt meeting at her abode. I do think she is getting a bit long in the tooth to be going hunting at her age! We don't bounce like we used to. Hopefully she will stay in one piece for the evening do. I have also been given a date for the Duchess's daughter Gloria's wedding, although I am not sure whether to take this with a pinch of salt. It is not too far away but nothing has been planned - sounds about par for the course! Anyway this is a great excuse for a new outfit. Gloria assures me it will happen but I am not quite sure the groom to be knows the date yet!
The muslim is still in residence and I am getting a bit fed up with these early morning breakfasts but I must grin and bear it as I have other guests due to it being half term week. Speaking of which I went to the gym today which was positively ghastly. Half term means the gym was infested with children, although not where I was. As I was passing the swimming pool it had a large notice saying "Due to unforeseen circumstances the POOL IS CLOSED". This did not bother me as I was on my way to the steam room. On my return I enquired as to pool closure only to learn that some ghastly little being had had a crap in the pool and it would take 6 hours to filter all the water. Ha ha that will teach them! The amount of money I am paying for this gym - children really should be banned!

2010-02-07T23:15:00.003Z

What a shocker - fancy having to get up at 7.00 a.m. on my birthday morning and cook breakfast for my guests. Well I did that, took their money and the rooms will have to wait until the cleaner comes in tomorrow! I only have the Muslim coming in so that's fine.
Camilla took me out for dinner last evening - we went to this splendid restaurant on the water's edge. Everything about the place was good including the food. I will definitely be returning. Because it was dark when we arrived I was unable to ascertain whether I will be able to go by boat, when the boat goes back in the water that is, or if the water is too shallow. I will have to do a daylight reckie. There were no signs of a credit crunch in this gaff the place was full to the brim.
Had a lovely birthday lunch party today cooked by Camilla and everybody was on form. The champagne I procured has a very vicious cork. It flew out of the bottle with a bang, this time frightening the life out of Antoinette's greyhound who promtly had a pee on the carpet! What is the matter with Esme's and Antoinette's dogs? As Mildred is still having man problems and we all think a younger version is required, Camilla is going to set up a blind date with one of her older friends, but younger than Mildred. There comes a time when old men just don't cut the mustard! Watch this space. As Mildred performs massage among her many talents, I have been offered a massage for my birthday present. Yum yum.
Last week I purchased all new bedlinen for the B & B but again the brain did not engage fully so now the curtains look hideous. Tomorrow I am meeting Mapie, the seamstress, to measure up for new ones and while she's about it I think I will have some Roman blinds in the summerhouse. She's such a clever old bean and has been making this, that and tother for me for years.
I have been having trouble contacting my tenant by telephone for about 6 weeks so yesterday I went and banged on her (my) door. She said she was having a 'dispute' with BT! This is a bit of a worry so now I will have to go into the bank to make sure my rent has arrived!
No 1 horse is due to step out again soon but thankfully not at Catterick but somewhere a little closer to home, but not much. Sybil phoned to say she can't come - she has another 2 funerals pending. I am seriously wondering if I should be her friend - it might be my turn next!

2010-02-05T22:47:00.003Z

I am completely knackered. I have been cooking up a storm in the kitchen for the last 3 hours. I am trying to eat down 2 chest freezers and one upright freezer. This is a very difficult task when one is on a diet. However having taken out the goods they will all be going back in again, but at least this time the food is cooked and I can entertain without effort in the future. The boyfriend phoned this morning wanting to take me out to lunch for my birthday, but really, I cannot live my life around him at such short notice so I told him I had other plans, which I have!
Camilla is taking Seamus to the airport tomorrow morning - he is off to St Moritz for a week to the Cresta run. I do hope he doesn't fall off his teatray! Camilla is taking me out for supper tomorrow evening to a surprise destination, and on Sunday is cooking a lunch party for my birthday, boyfriend not included!
I went with the Duchess racing yesterday - her horse finished 3rd so that was good - not as good as a win, but neverless good. On my return I decided that I must take myself to Ireland for a spot of racing in due course, so I have booked my flights and car hire. I am going with 20 odd chaps - when we started going there were only about 8 chaps but it has grown over the years. Wives stay at home. Fortunately I am an honorary bloke. We all own horses and the craic is great! Can't wait
Talked to Antoinette on the telephone, she and Gilbert are coming for lunch. She is fixing up a holiday in France for us both in June. Gilbert doesn't like to leave the country, and he certainly has no interest in the 'frogs'.
I went to the gym today and have decided that when I fall off the wagon, it definitely slows me down. The legs weren't to keen to move today and had to be forced.
I have wedding guests checked in for the weekend. These are the worst possible people to stay. They are generally noisy, come in late, get up late and think they own the place but needs must at this time of the year. In the busy months I can turn them away, but not now.

2010-02-03T15:30:00.002Z

If it's not one thing then it's another. I seem to have been mucking out horses now for one month. Since said horse ate plastic mesh I have been checking him on a four hourly basis and am so short of sleep I'm sure I could sleep standing up. It occurred to me that I must be stark raving mad! There I was on my 2.00 a.m. shift having collected his most recent 'droppings' sitting on an upturned bucket with my rubber gloves on, sifting through each pooh to make sure the mesh was being digested and coming through and not likely to have caused a blockage. I had been delving into my veterinary book and ascertained that it takes 2 - 3 days from going in the mouth to coming out of the back end! I would also like to add that the average horse eats 38kg of fibre a day, so from that you may deduce that I am completely poohed out! Today however, he is on his own, the 3 days is up and he looks very bonny to me. How I shall get on with the bridge lesson this evening is anyone's guess as I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Seamus kindly brought me a big box of chocolates back from Val d'Isere which I consumed in 2 days and felt very, very sick. The trouble is, if I know there are chocolates in the house I HAVE to eat them. This is not helping my diet. I lost 4lb in January so from now on chocolates have been banned. If any so much as show themselves through the door I WILL throw them in the dustbin.
Horse number 2 has also stepped out and come a creditable 4th (still in the prizemoney) on a track that did not suit and ground that did not suit - better luck next time. Sybil came with me to the races and on the way we discussed a charity fundraiser - she came up with the idea of a car rally of sorts and is looking into it. One of her friends did a similar sort of thing and raised £20,000. Well I think that is a bit bold, but I'm open to suggestions. Must contact Paula and see what she thinks. Better have a plan as we think late June early July would be neat and Sybil is off on holiday to South Africa and Mauritius anytime soon.

2010-01-31T21:50:00.003Z

One of the horses has run and won his race. Oh joy, and prize money as well. I had my photo taken with the winner by the course photographer and this was presented to me while we were celebrating in the Director's box. Unfortunately due to the inclement weather conditions my state of dress was not really up to scratch and I looked like an old bag lady! It would have to be said this is not a picture I wish to put on my sideboard. Must make more effort for Cheltenham! My trainer phoned to say that we need one more run before the big one, but he can't find a suitable race at close quarters. He was muttering about Catterick. Where on earth is Catterick! I thought that was somewhere they trained soldiers. The horse might go there but I shall just watch it on the box. Catterick - I don't think so!
Last night I had the guests from hell staying. Kept saying they were cold, even with the central heating on and then wanted additional duvet - they were then sleeping under 19 togs. Had me up in the middle of the night demanding I put the heating back on. Yeah right. This morning at breakfast 'she' was moaning and complaining that they hardly slept etc. etc. due to being cold. She was stick thin and I asked her if she was a vegetarian - yes she was - no wonder she couldn't keep herself warm. Anyway the upshot was I didn't charge them for the night, I couldn't be bothered with the agro and was pleased to see the back of them. On reflection I wonder if they do this sort of thing a lot. They turned up in a beat up old Volvo, gave me a duff credit card number and then complained. Great - but this is the first time in 11 years so I will go with it.
I went out to supper with Mildred last evening and we celebrated my racing win with some champagne. Mildred has got man trouble, so I told her to get shot, but I have been telling her this for ages. Get a younger model!
This morning I was feeding the horses with my JCB when one of them took a liking to the haylage before I could get the mesh off. He promptly took a mouthful of haylage and mesh. Before I could get to him he had galloped off and eaten it. I tell you - from the moment they are born they are looking for a place to die - it is not easy! I have no idea if the mesh will work it's way through his system but I sincerely hope so, otherwise I may have a dead horse on my hands. I am checking him every 4 hours to make sure he does not get colic - so not much sleep tonight chaps.
Seamus and Camilla have returned from Val d'Isere. They had 3 sunny days and the rest snowing or grey days. I'm glad I wasn't there - I can't bear skiing when I can't see a ground line.

2010-01-27T11:03:00.004Z

As usual the time just flies by. I was minding my own business when the Duchess telephoned asking why I wasn't at the funeral! Funeral, what funeral. It turns out that our very good friend had died and nobody saw fit to tell me. They all thought I knew. How am I supposed to know these things there is no 'Deaths' column in the Racing Post, only birthdays! I only take the Telegraph on Saturdays, so if you die on Monday etc. I am not going to know about it! Anyway apparently it was a great turnout, two hunting countries and the Irish contingent came over, as she was Irish born and bred. She had had a good home bred winner in Ireland only 6 weeks ago trained by her nephew. She had not been well for some time but my lasting memory will be at a local point-to-point when she had discharged herself from the care home, driven to the course and she, the Duchess and myself sat at the back of her 4 wheel drive consuming champagne and foie gras which had been sent down from Fortnum and Mason. Just as well do it in style don't you think.
Camilla and Seamus have taken a chalet in Val d'Isere this week with friends and are having a great time, I am still tending to injured horses which seems to take up most of my day, the Muslim is still requiring breakfast but at least it makes me get out of bed early. I have no idea how long his contract is going on, but it suits me fine, all flat screen TV's are put up in the guest accommdoation, wifi goes in next week and bridge lessons are going on apace.
Yesterday afternoon I had more bad news - another friend had died. What is it with my friends? But at least this time I had the news 2 hours after the event and so I diligently phoned people I thought should know. How responsible is that? I woke up in the night contemplating this latest demise only to hear scratching above my head. Mice in the attic!!! I have no idea how long they have been up there as I am generally asleep, so I will have to deal with them today. I got the pest controller in last time, but it is quicker to deal with it myself. It seems to be the cancer thing that's getting my friends - I must have a word with Sybil, perhaps we might do a bit more fundraising for Cancer Research. I haven't done it for a while and know a great team of people to pull off such a venture.
It looks as though the horses could be running this week, and not before time - oh the joy.

2010-01-22T10:15:00.005Z

What a week I've had and it's only Friday! Having geared myself up for the horse to run I now find the meeting abandoned due to waterlogging. It really is time this weather improved. Our bridge lesson was good this week - I do think we may be getting the hang of it at last (well as far as we have been taught so far anyway). I even woke up in the night from dreaming about 'bidding' how sad is that! My partner Bridget has been out picking up on a 'girl's shoot' (power to the girls I say) and one of the guns, Maggie is also learning the art of bridge, so in due course we will challenge her and her partner, but not until we are sure we can beat them! At least we are being taught by a professional.
I was supposed to be meeting Victoria yesterday at the gym but unfortunately I had to round up a dexter steer ready for slaughter. I got up early and herded him into a pen ready for collection but when the trailer came the blighter had escaped into the wood. By the time I had chased round the wood a got him back I had had it! I went to purchase some peanuts for the birds and duly backed the car into the garage to unload the 25kg sack. Being brain dead I forgot to put the handbrake on and while I was emptying the sack the car rolled out of the garage, over the tarmac, through a hedge and was heading off towards the summerhouse. Luckily I managed to jump in before it got there, otherwise it would have ploughed through post and rails and into the spinney - and that would have required a crane! As if that were not enough for one day, I checked in a guest last night only to find the room had no heating or hot water! When I checked the boiler it was dead. Absolutely fabulous.
Is my life normal, or am I dreaming and at some point will wake up?
Mildred came round for a drink as her mother and her boyfriend are driving her round the bend. Bless! We are childhood friends and got to discussing people from that era. I wondered what had happened to Elizabeth and Mildred said she had been living in Finland for numerous years and was breeding dalmatian puppies. Well, well. Anyway as we had been drinking we thought we would 'google' her and presto we found her website. We sent an email and to our astonishment received a reply - she may be coming to visit in February!
As I write this my yard is 2" deep in water. We have had so much rain it has nowhere to go. This morning my guest left while it was still dark and got both his feet wet. What am I to do! I hope it goes away before the next batch check in.

2010-01-19T17:31:00.003Z

Having consumed far too much alcohol at lunch on Sunday I very nearly missed giving the Muslim breakfast. The alarm went off but I went back to sleep! I shot downstairs in my P/J's and got the table laid and changed in the kitchen while I was cooking the sausages. It would have to be said I felt like shit but I carried it off as if nothing was amiss.
The float in my toilet cistern is now not working and the water keeps draining out in the overflow. Great another bloody job - what else could happen. Well I will tell you. I went to the gym as usual but unfortunately my body wouldn't work - I will have to stay off the booze. I did the best I could which was about 1/4 of a normal workout and then sat in the steam room for 1/2 hour exhausted. On my return I went up the farm to check the horses only to find another horse in trouble, this time standing on 3 legs (poison foot) so he limped back to the stables for treatment. Now that's two horses I have to muck out and administer to. What is it with Monday's? I had a Polish gentleman stay last night who requested 7.30 a.m. breakfast - just what I needed. Totally exhausted from my day I collapsed into bed.
This morning I wake up to find that none of the televisions work anywhere, in the house or in the guest accommodation. Reception had gone walkabout. Since the digital switchover I had installed freeview boxes which have been a complete nightmare. None of the guests or myself understand them. This is the last straw. I went to the cash and carry and purchased 5 new flatscreen TV's with Freeview and DVD players plus folding brackets which cost me a fortune. I telephoned the TV repair man and he is coming this week to stick them on the walls. While I was about it I phoned the computer man to get WiFi installed so that I am internet friendly. With all this expense I am just going to have to raise my prices for the forthcoming season - Let the punters pay that's what I say.

2010-01-17T17:40:00.003Z

I have been exceedingly busy today. Tomorrow is Charles birthday but because Esme is playing bridge tomorrow night they could not come round for supper, so I decided to cook Sunday lunch. I also invited Sybil and George and also Mildred. Charles and Esme brought along their rescued labrador who is very timid but would like to socialise. Well the dog had not been in the house 5 minutes when the champagne cork popped, the dog legged it and had a pee on the carpet. I do think some manners need to be instilled before said dog goes socializing again. Anyway it was a very jolly affair. We had roast home grown Dexter beef and all the trimmings. Mildred brought along a lovely chocolate roulade and much fizz and wine was consumed. Having been so rude about Esme's table flower arrangement on New Year's Eve I thought I really ought to make the effort so I wandered into the wood to gather ivy (as this seems to be the only green thing growing at the moment). I was quite pleased with my effort but this time it was Esme's turn to be rude! Tiddly pom.
The horse has been entered to run shortly but unfortunately Sybil will be unable to come as she is attending Father Geoffrey's funeral. He slipped and fell over the altar and fractured some bones, was taken into hospital and now he is no more. Quite shocking. Charles and I will be going instead. I think Esme is quite pleased to get rid of him for the day! The trainer has a plan which I hope he can pull off, but I rather doubt it. In the event I have booked a hotel room as the racecourse is quite a long way away and will require an overnight stay. Sybil will be on holiday in South Africa, Esme will be in India and so Charles and I will share a room for the night. In Esme's own words "you are welcome"! I do hope he doesn't snore! I am not feeling threatened by this little adventure as I have known Charles since I was 4 and he was 10. I have booked twin beds! He should think himself lucky to share a room with me - I have skimpy pyjamas and tiny pants and a body that has put a lot of time in at the gym. Where else, at his age, is he likely to get all this?
Camilla has been out shopping and purchased new ski pants and a helmet ready for her holiday next week in Val d'Isere with Seamus. I am deeply envious. I wonder if I should buy a helmet. Apparently everyone is doing it. The problem is, I like to hear what is going on behind me even though I am going down the mountain and should be concentrating on what is in front. These helmets are all very well, but hearing is restricted. If someone from behind is going to take me out, I would like to know about it before I am upside down.

2010-01-14T23:33:00.003Z

I am now 8 weeks in to my facial anti wrinkle machine and it gets better every day. Only another 4 weeks to go to complete the course and presto - no wrinkles (or something like that). I was kindly given a beauty voucher last September by Esme's daughter, for a little something that I did for her, so yesterday was the day to use it. I had a facial and even the therapist commented on my great skin. Clearly this machine is the way forward, bugger the botox and anyway I am too frightened of needles.
Went off to Jules house last night for a bridge lesson with Queenie and Bridget. Jules does not like the cold. The heating is on full blast 24/7 and we were all stripped off. Thank goodness I haven't got her electricity bill! I'm walking around my house in extra jumpers, woolly scarf you name it I'm wearing it. I had completely forgotten everything I had been taught. We were all rubbish and I'm not sure our teacher was overly impressed, but hey ho he's being paid so we will go at our own pace. Much gossip ensued
It's not been a good day. It started off this morning when my bathroom toilet seemed to be bunged up. It has not been flushing correctly for a couple of weeks and this morning instead of flushing came back up the U bend. It took 10 buckets of water tipped from a great height (I was standing on the edge of the bath and very tricky that was too) before it cleared, and all that was before breakfast!
Went to the gym to meet the personal trainer and instead of a him it was a her and it didn't get any better really. I don't know what level of fitness she thought I wanted but she had me stepping up and down on some step machine with weights in my hands. If I had wanted to do that I could have done it on the bottom of my stairs! She was completely useless and after 20 minutes I told her I was not enjoying the experience and would do my own thing thank you. Fortunately it was a freebie, which is probably why it was rubbish.
Mildred sent me a mail and is coming round for supper tomorrow night. I haven't seen her since she put her mother who is 94 in a care home. Apparently she has dementia or some such, but when I went to see her she seemed perfectly normal - what do I know!

2010-01-11T10:56:00.003Z

I am pleased to report that as I write it is raining in my neck of the woods. Pity it didn't do this yesterday, as I spent most of the day thawing out water troughs and moving horses into different fields where there was some water! There is no water in the summerhouse - that is frozen. It's just as well none of my friends came for the weekend otherwise they would have been in a bit of bother! The boyfriend has returned from Barbados complete with suntan only to find himself and his horses under 10" of snow! Unfortunately his groom was snowed in and she could not operate the digger to dig herself out. That will teach him to go away!
I came home from the gym this afternoon and went to do my daily check of food and water troughs - horse standing in field on it's own - always a bad sign. Usually they are all together. Walked over to discover he had been kicked, but not just any old kick that would be too simple. Bloody great gash 3" square and 1" deep - lovely. By the time I had walked him home, got his stable ready and attended to his wound I was gone past tired and hungry, I was completely knackered. That is the trouble with owning horses - from the moment they are born they are always looking for a place to die!
I have received a great invitation from Sybil for somewhen in the future. She is of an age and is combining it with a house warming party. She has been living in the house, converted from a shell, for nearly a year now, but she's a busy bee and the time now cometh. It is a frightfully grand abode (but very homely) and was front cover of one of the glossies with another 4 pages inside. I am so glad she gave me notice because I am usually in Spain at that time, but obviously this is far more important. I have plenty of time to get in shape, get a suntan and get new outfit.
My personal trainer didn't turn up last week due to prevailing weather conditions but I am due to see him this week. Can't wait!

2010-01-06T20:15:00.003Z

Woke up this morning and was quite smug. There was no snow on the ground. The rest of the country is covered in snow and I have none. I immediately phoned my friend Geraldine who lives up country and is currently under 10" of snow. She has been digging her car out for 2 days and even missed her Pilate class yesterday! The Tesco delivery man called at 9.45 a.m. with my groceries - according to the news people have been panic buying - so I was expecting to have not much of anything, but hey presto, everything I ordered. Then at 10.00a.m. it started to snow, and snow. Great. I don't imagine too many other customers got a Tesco delivery. That was lucky.
I always have a supply of salt handy for snowy occasions, as it wouldn't do for the horses to be slipping and sliding on the tarmac. Off I went down the drive, well down the hill anyway and sprinkled two car tracks, I figured even the most useless driver can drive on the flat in icy conditions. This had to be done otherwise the Muslim would not be able to return and I also have other guests tonight. If I lived in a small house with no drive I wouldn't have to bother. Whilst I was about it I topped up the bird feeders and then filled up two rat feeders with poison. I have no idea whether I have rats or mice in the stables, but if they come in from the cold and are hungry, they will surely die. What with all this and the gutters, I am seriously considering living in a small house, but am not quite sure what to do with 12 horses! My other 2 horses are snowed in at their training establishment, but hopefully will get out tomorrow and exercise on the beach. I walked the farm in the snow and did the water troughs and took my camera with me. Well you see, of all the Christmas cards I received one was of friend's children (yuk) one was picture of friend's house (yuk) and Victoria sent me one of her garden! She had taken a photo sometime past of her garden in the snow. Very Christmassy - I was impressed! So off I went intending to perhaps take a picture of a snowy woodland scene. I got carried away, anyone would think I was a photographer - I was even standing in the middle of a bramble bush to get the best possible shot darling, and then I put my foot down a badger hole and went flying. The camera flew out of my hand and it took me half an hour trying to find it in the snow. When I returned home I was frozen to the bone!
With the weather as it is our bridge lesson has been postponed until next week, thank goodness. I have not been practising - so much else to do! Bridget phoned, said she had had a good New Year's Eve but peaked too soon, managed to crawl home at some point and go to sleep on the sofa. When she woke up she had dog biscuits in her hand. She can't remember whether she had been eating them or had been offering them to the dog! Some party.

2010-01-04T21:53:00.000Z

Had to get up early this morning for breakfast - the Muslim is back. It has taken all this time to fumigate the bedroom from his kebabs, so I guess we will be back to square one.
Horror or horrors, I can't get into my ski pants. Camilla said I could borrow hers but that's like sliding down a slippery slope and I have no intention of doing that. I have been to the gym today and booked a personal trainer for my next visit - something has to be done and quick!
The trouble with this cold weather is it just makes more work for a person. I have had to walk the farm breaking the ice on all the water troughs on a daily basis, which is a complete bloody nuisance. Yesterday I wandered out and took the greyhound with me. Unfortunately the dog disappeared and by the time I got back home, half an hour later, she had not appeared. I was in two minds to leave her lost, but the thought of her ears and legs getting frozen (there is nothing apart from see through skin between her tendon and the bone) was too much to bear, so off I went again, walked the farm, walked the woods which took 1 hour, randomly calling only to return home in the dusk and find the stupid creature sitting on the doorstep! Today I took her on a lead. I went to put the dustbins out and they were frozen solid at the lids. I came in and boiled a kettle to melt them open. Unbelievable. And that's not all, the bloody moles are digging in this frozen soil. I counted 18 molehills that had appeared overnight. I'm sure I don't know how many moles are doing that. I dread to think how many more there will be tomorrow. Still I suppose it could be worse, at least there is no snow like there is up country. My horses are entered twice this week but that's not going to happen either. Probably just as well as I don't fancy a trek to either Leicester or Huntingdon.
I had a very good booking in the B & B today. Good news - nice people have taken all my rooms for 4 nights in June for a wedding. Bad news - they are all coming from Australia. Do I want to be inundated with Aussies, and wedding parties are always the worst. They come in and take the place over like it's their own. Still business is business.

2010-01-02T19:58:00.000Z

A New Year a new day. Went to Esme's for a great New Year party, lovely food, plenty of booze good company but the flowering arranging on the dining table was crap! I can say this as it looked like the sort of effort I could do, and my flower arranging is crap. Even Antionette thought is was crap and she is a flower arranger! The littlest things make us laugh. I stayed the night and we eventually got to bed around 3.00 a.m. Skiing in Gstaad is looking decidedly dodgy. Rachel had a lunch party just before Christmas and she, Katie and I had discussed the holiday, however when Rachel went in to work last Monday she was made redundant, no if's or but's, just like that - quite shocking. Rachel has her daughter's wedding coming up very soon and it would be silly to squander money on a holiday at this point. I would squander the money anyway,but she's not me - probably just as well. Back to the drawing board but we must go SOON. Esme wants to come too, but she only can do 3 days. This is not good as by the time you have got there (where ever that may be) that's 2 days on the slopes and then it's time to come home again, and even worse if 1 or 2 of those days is a white out! I must convince her to do the week.
Camilla and Seamus have gone off for a romantic weekend. This was Camilla's Christmas present for him but before she left she kindly announced that we (she & I) would be cooking shoot lunch for his brother and guests next weekend. Sad case that I am I agreed to help and duly went to the butcher's today to order 100 Venison sausages. There's nothing quite like sausage and mash in a rich red wine gravy. There is going to be a bit of a problem if this weather lets up and my horse is running next Saturday because I will be going racing.
Today I have been up a ladder clearing out the gutters. This is one of the down sides about living on the edge of a wood - Leaves. If I lived in a small house this would not be a problem, but I have so many outbuildings it is like doing 6 houses worth of gutters. Needless to say I will be up that bloody ladder again tomorrow and probably the day after that as well weather permitting.
I have not had an alcoholic drink - New Year Resolution Number 1.
I have not eaten anything bad in my quest to loose 7lbs - New Year Resolution Number 2.
I can't sell the Lotus yet as I need to get it started (it's an historic number) and clean it and MOT it and whatever else needs to be done (which will surely cost money). As they say speculate to accumulate!

2009-12-31T14:07:00.000Z

My sister called me from Florida today. She has been off cruising for Christmas and I don't blame her. Why would you stay at home and wrap presents and write cards and cook the lunch if you didn't have to. Can you believe it, she only put on 2lb after all that food and no exercise. I however, seem to have put on 7lb over the last 6 weeks. I know this because my clothes do not fit. How can this be, I go to the gym and work out twice a week. I got on the scales this morning so I know how much I have to lose for my New Year's resolution. I have no idea what I shall wear out tonight because I do not possess any tentlike clothes. I have guests in but they don't want breakfast tomorrow, hooray. I am therefore having a sleepover at Esmeralda's so that I can drink as much as I like.
Seamus turned up with the goose on Boxing Day which is great so he is currently out of the doghouse. I have put it in the freezer for the time being while I work out the next plan. The trouble is, entertaining is such an effort. I love other peoples' efforts, but that in turn reverts back to me!
I wonder what I should do for my birthday which is imminent. Run off to Ireland for five days and go racing, go for a long Spa weekend. I will have to give it a bit of thought.
My horse was running over the holidays. He was galloping along in front all set to win the race when his undercarriage did not put down at the 4th last fence. The jockey said he was only in 2nd gear at the time, great - another opportunity missed! Better luck next time. I know we have a plan, but this was not part of it!
I had to go to the garage today as I only had one front light. As a girl on her own it was far too complicated to change it, so that entailed a round trip of 16 miles to replace a light bulb! I cannot go out tonight with only one light - the police may pick me up and that won't do. On the way back it occurred to me that I may not have put the trickle charger on the Porsche the last time I used it. I do this so that the battery does not go flat, and as the Porsche can only come out on dry sunny days, that is not very often. On my return I went to investigate and sure enough I hadn't. When I put the key in the ignition all the alarm went off and was making a terrible noise, even the dog took cover. Everything had lost it's memory. It took me an hour to right the situation. I have 4 cars in the garage and I can't drive all of them all of the time, something will have to give. New year's resolution number 1 get rid of at least one car - that's a start.
HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS!

2009-12-27T18:10:00.000Z

Hurray, Christmas & Boxing over and done with for another year. Camilla brought her friend Cheryl home for lunch on Christmas day as I think she had nowhere else to go. I cooked the turkey and they did everything else. I was asked to provide a white starched linen tablecloth. Job done. Turkey in the oven and off I went to walk the greyhound. We had the most marvellous walk in the woods and I went to visit the graves of my most famous racehorse and our beloved Shetland pony, followed by our two labradors. That done I went to visit my mother, whose ashes were scattered under a very large oak tree where the sun was shining through, quite enchanting. I scattered her there one Easter in among the bluebells in the full rays of the sun. Unfortunately little did I realise that in the summer up came the stinging nettles and ferns, and her 'patch' was completely overgrown. This spot was chosen so that as I rode by daily I could bid her good day, and in the summer also apologise for her disappearance under the nettles! So much more personal than some spot in a graveyard that I might not ever visit again, don't you think? She wouldn't have cared less she was a non believer. When I arrived back and walked into the kitchen you could have knocked me down with a feather. Cheryl had brought the table decorations and laid the table but it looked more like a place to take Holy Communion, only I'm not Catholic. Come to think about it, I'm not anything! Can you imagine it, white table cloth with a blood red runner straight up through the centre, blood red table mats and the only things missing were the communion cups! When we sat down for lunch I was not quite sure whether I should say grace, but I thought that would be a joke too far! Ghastly! Food was good though. During the course of the day she managed to glug down one and a half bottles of my best red wine, so her communion cup runneth over! This is not an exercise I will be repeating in the future!
Today I went to lunch with Sybil which was excellent. She always puts on a superb spread and the view from her table must be the best in the county. She has been a little grumpy of late as she has been in a wheelchair (electric of course) for 10 weeks having had an operation on her foot. Only another 3 weeks to go and she will be out and about in her legs again. I must say she has got the driving of this machine down to a fine art, and if you happen to be a sleeping dog you may very well get run over!

2009-12-23T14:25:00.000Z

Got up at 6.30 a.m. this morning and stuffed the turkey then went back to bed. I have been for one last blast at the gym before embarking on a binge of eating and drinking. I feel it essential to put my body through the rigours of a workout so that I will be fit enough to do myself justice on the slopes of Gstaad. I must say the Power Plate is brilliant - 1 minute on that saves 20 minutes of real exercise if one is in a hurry! On my return the postman had delivered the card that Camilla and I had been waiting for - the one containing the 'Round Robin'. How I hate it, although over the years it has become an annual joke in the house. Nothing bad ever seems to happen, children always get straight A's in exams, long holidays abroad and nothing negative at all. This particular one took up 2 pages of typewritten A4. Who gives a shit and who has time to waste reading the bloody thing. I really do find this to be the height of bad taste and stuffy sanctimony. In fact who lives in this kind of world. No-one I know. Dull and boring yes, real life, no. Clearly the sender does not read the press as only last week The Guardian did an article on the round robin entitled "Bad Taste Boasting". At this point I would like to point out that I do not make a point of reading The Guardian, good heavens no, but it was the only newspaper left on the table when I was having coffee in the gym!
The cleaner did not come in this morning - bloody marvellous, so I had to clean the bedrooms ready for the Christmas onslaught.
Two acquaintances dropped off the perch last week, both of whom I used to go hunting with. I missed both services. How am I supposed to know what is going on? I only take the broadsheets at the weekends and there are no obituaries in The Racing Post!
I am entertaining the gamekeeper & beaters tonight. I bought some nibbles in Iceland which will do admirably for this sort of occasion and have made plenty of mulled wine. I used the wine that Bridget sourced at £2.00 per bottle. I wasn't great but disguised with orange juice, cinnamon, cloves etc and a touch of brandy it will be wonderful.
The boyfriend is off to stay with his daughter and family for Christmas. That will be nice. He doesn't want to go. He doesn't like the way she brings up her children and then for New Year he is off to Barbados where his son is getting married at The Sandy Lane, another jolly occasion! I told him if he's unlucky he will probably bump in to Michael Winner or Simon Cowell. He has to squeeze all this in around his horses racing and when you have 4 in training it is not easy!

2009-12-23T10:43:00.000Z

I am soooooooooooooooooo cross. I went to the gym yesterday which was wonderful, hardly anyone there at all. They must have all been out Christmas shopping. For the 26 treadmills, 20 cross trainers and 25 bicycles plus all the weights etc. we were the grand total of 3 people. By the time I got down to the pool there was no-one in it at all. Imagine my delight, no-one in the swimming lanes so I could go at snails pace. Usually I am frantically moving along so as not to hold anyone up! I swear I shall probably have a heart attack and drown - I am too old for this! Well anyway, I came home and put my sweaty gear in the washing machine along with what else was already in there and when I scooped it out it was PINK, everything white was pink! Bugger, bugger, bugger! I am off out today to purchase all new underwear. I think I will get black.
The postman delivered the greyhound's Christmas present today. Wonderful - it is an Equafleece dog coat. She will be very happy about that. It has been so cold lately, although we have not had the snow affecting the rest of the country, that I cannot kick her out of the door and rely on her to walk herself. Thus I have been receiving little presents when I come downstairs in the mornings. Just what one needs before breakfast! Now hopefully she will be nice and warm and won't feel the need to hurry in out of the cold. Rabbits and squirrels beware!
Last Christmas I put a note in with my cards to the effect that I would not be repeating the exercise ever again but would donate money to charity. I don't know why I haven't done this sooner - most of my friends have done the same. I do send a couple to my 'special friends'.
The Muslim has departed and is not returning until New Year, I have guests in over the holiday period but said I was not cooking breakfasts or cleaning rooms. Room only or nothing at all. To my surprise, that was fine. The good thing about people who live in small houses is that they cannot accommodate their families for Christmas and fortunately we have a lot of small houses in this area!
Picked up the turkey today and that just needs stuffing. Camilla is doing the rest. Her boyfriend Seamus did mention procuring a goose but as he is in the dog house I have not seen it yet, so we will go down the turkey route. If the goose appears we can always have another feast. It's Esmeralda's turn to do New Year's Eve and then I think it's my turn next year!

2009-12-11T10:29:00.000Z

I had the chocolate labrador put down yesterday. Well she was 15 years old and not in great health - better to go with dignity than keep going until the last puff. I had been thinking about this for sometime but couldn't great my brain around it. I dug a grave in the garden, next to her mother last week. I wouldn't want to be a grave digger, there is a bloody lot of earth to move, even for a dog, but I suppose they use a mini digger, not like the old days! Hey ho. I have commissioned a little plaque to go on top. That just leaves me with the grehound. I definitely do not want another dog to keep her company, which poses the question 'what am I going to do with her when the boating season starts'? Oh well I've got 3 months to think about that.
Cecily's hair after the bonfire episode is still a complete mess. It's about 1" long and standing up like a boy's crewcut. This is not a great look for the Christmas party season. Her husband who is 75 is pretty immobile but she told me she has some "arm candy" to step out with. When I asked who, it turns out he is older than the husband. Arm candy I don't think so. I would sooner go out alone.
Went to a Christmas quiz night down the local pub last night. Well our team tied for bottom place so there was a tie breaker. I am sure we would not have been in this precarious position if Bridget had turned up, but on the other hand, maybe not. I was elected to take the question for our team and shock horror I beat the opponent so that left us one from bottom! At least we are consistent - this is the second time we have been in this position, and in a different pub! Maybe there is a third pub out there we could try and if it's no better I think we should all give up and get on with our knitting.

2009-12-10T10:57:00.000Z

Where does the time go? The Muslim is still staying and last night he had those bloody kebabs again. The room stinks, what am I to do, he is costing me a fortune in odour killers!
I was watching George Hamilton in the jungle on TV and he said "At my age you can waste your money but not your time". Quite right too. Although I am not his age yet, I think I must take a leaf out of his book. I have decided to springclean my friends so that I have time for my REAL friends and no time for the rest. I don't know why I didn't think of this before
My horses are busy on the racecourse, bless them, and so far each time they have been placed and won prizemoney. Placed is not really good enough if they are to pay their way - I need a win. Maybe next time, although I mustn't be greedy, all my friends horses seem to be running like donkeys at the moment! Went racing with Camilla the other day and she bet on a horse at 80/1 e/w. It came in 2nd and she won £76.00. How clever is that!
This rain is doing nothing for my tarmac drive. I now have holes all over the place. I can see that I shall have to go road laying in earnest next Spring. The wet weather is also making it nice and easy for the moles in my garden to dig. I am getting at least 6 new molehills a day. Last winter I left them and by the Spring I swear I moved 2 tonnes of soil. Although it was good for my figure and saved me going to the gym it nearly killed me. So I must keep on top of it this winter.
I purchased a magic machine to remove wrinkles from my face. I didn't fancy a course of botox and thought this would be a good alternative. I am 5 weeks in to a 12 week course and it is amazing, I can see the wrinkles disappearing daily. What fun.
I had lunch with Bridget yesterday. She has found a source of wine at £2.00 per so I have purchased a couple of boxes. Well that will save me a trip on the ferry to France, if the wine doesn't poison me first. I am going to try some tonight and hope it doesn't taste like anti-freeze

2009-11-26T18:03:00.000Z

We played bridge last night in my summerhouse. Not strictly true, we practised bridge, prior to the return of our teacher, we gossiped a lot and had a drink. I am not entirely sure this is the way forward but we are enjoying it. About 5 years ago I purchased a Mahjong set from the local charity shop. Never took it out of the box, but in our quest to be social, we may have a look at it as it requires 4 players. It can't be difficult to learn can it? Bridget has not had much luck on the Muddypaws dating website so Camilla said she should at least put a photo of herself up. I mean the profile may sound great but unless there is a picture she might look like an old goat. She doesn't look like an old goat, so here's hoping she gets lots of hits in the future. If there is no-one she fancies, maybe she could pass them around!
I have purchased some new knickers (french ones) and new pyjamas (white with black spots) in a quest to stay young, in mind anyway. I love my PJ's but the knickers keep creeping up my bum. I am not sure how long I can put up with this. I may have to revert to my trusty Sloggies! This has been a great source of amusement amongst my friends, who all seem to have a view on sexy knickers.
I went down to the boat today to make sure it had not blown away and am pleased to report everything in order. It has been sitting on it's berth for 2 1/2 years and never put to sea, just cost me a huge amount of money. At last I have got my head around it and have found a part time skipper for 2010. Hooray. He is going to teach me how to drive it - and not before time. About 4 years ago I did take the Day Skipper Course but I have probably forgotten all I learned so folks it is back to the drawing board.
I have just checked in a solitary guest for this evening. She wants breakfast at 7.30 a.m. Bugger no lie in tomorrow.

2009-11-20T17:36:00.000Z

Oh my goodness! I went to the gym today and as I was heading through the doors somebody said Hello. I looked up and to my surprise there was an old friend whom I had not seen for about 6 years. I used to play tennis with her at least 20 years ago. Well, what a shock, she looked at least 72, had shunk 6 " was as thin as a rake and had a hairstyle from the 1940's. She reminded me of one of those Jewish ladies who used to frequent The Royal Bath Hotel in Bournemouth (although she is not Jewish) and be on the lookout for a gigolo! Is this what happens when old age sets in? She said she had joined last Christmas purely for the tennis. That's just as well. If she did a thorough workout she would vanish. She introduced me to her "tennis coach", I have forgotten his name, about 23 and great pecks. Then in a flash she was gone. Do I care! Clearly I must be doing something wrong. I have been going to this gym for more than 6 years and in that time I have never felt the need to speak to anyone, just get about my business and my body, have a coffee, read the Racing Post and leave. I am going to have to start paying attention to what is going on around me.
Can't go to the pub quiz tonight, too exhausted from my exertions in the pool today. Monday is a great day as there are hardly any people in the pool. Tuesday and Wednesday they have all these fat people doing aqua aerobics and you have never seen such ghastly sights. It should be banned and only beautiful people allowed in the pool, with the notable exception of myself.
One of the downsides to doing B & B is that I am always left with 1/4 toilet rolls. It has taken until today to use up all these part rolls (doesn't look good having guests with fag ends toilet rolls)! I can now look forward to using whole toilet rolls until next Easter when business commences again in earnest.

2009-11-20T09:13:00.000Z

Busy day yesterday. Went to visit Cecily for a coffee. She has been in all sorts of trouble. It started when she was putting her garden to bed. Usual story, chop down and prune dead wood, pick up leaves etc. etc. which she made into a huge bonfire as she has a very large garden. The problem was she tipped petrol on the bonfire and was smoking a fag at the time. Well needless to say the vapour caught fire and burnt her hands and face - fortunately she had her glasses on. All of her face was burned and it was one big blister. Her hands were put in blown up plastic bags . She had to close her B & B while they healed. Two weeeks on and the skin has dried but her face is still a mess. As I pointed out this was a bit extreme, it would have been safer and cheaper to have a chemical peel in the beauty salon. Met the gang for our weekly bridge practice last night at Jules' house, the problem was she had no cards! While Queenie went off to get some we got stuck in to the Vodka, so needless to say not much bridge was practised, but hey there is always next week.
Bridget had us in stitches telling us she has joined a dating website for country folk called MuddyPaws or something like that. She got an email from someone called Lawrence and went she told us about him and the fact that he only lived 15 miles away, I new immediately who he was as he is Godfather to one of Pauline's children and Camilla also knows him. He is very yokle, ooouu, ah, ooouu, ah. Short, but wears raised heel shoes so nobody knows how short he is and definitely not Bridge's type at all.
The Muslim has gone home for the weekend. I wish he would not have takeaway Kebabs on Thursday nights and eat them in the bedroom. The rooms stinks and I cannot get the smell out and have guests checking in before noon for a wedding. I must have a word with him about this, as it happens every Thursday.

2009-11-18T16:33:00.000Z

I cannot believe that my last blog was way back in March. Clearly I must have been very busy with no time to sit down and write. B & B was mad from Easter to end of October and thankfully all guests have vanished. No sign of the credit crunch in this neck of the woods. I am left with one little Muslim businessman. He has been with me now for 8 weeks. This is cool because at least he is covering my Tesco shop and eating out weekly! There is a prayer mat in the bedroom so I imagine he prays to Allah five times a day up against the wall. Weird. I have decided to learn to play bridge - not because I wish to compete at the local bridge club, nor go out in the afternoons with my girlfriends who play (some of whom are obsessed), but merely because I just wish to know how to play. I am playing with Bridget, Queenie Jules and Bridget and Queenie are landladies and Jules is housewife just arrived in these parts, from far off parts. Can you imagine, until Jules arrived in the country, she had always had a maid and a housekeeper - her husband's in oil darling! Now she is having to cook and clean but she's up for a laugh. So far we have had two lessons of mini bridge and our teacher Barrie has now swanned off on a cruise for a month to teach guests on the high seas. He told us to practice 2 or 3 times a week. Yea right, who has got time to do this. This will be our third practice in as many weeks. I guess Barrie won't be very impressed when he returns. Bridget, my partner, swears a lot which I find quite endearing, while we all drink a lot and then can't remember the cards. But we will persevere.
I went to a pub quiz night the other day. This apparently is how pub landlords pull in the punters on a Monday night. Well our team myself, Queenie, Jules and Camilla came one from bottom, with 'The Ozzies' bottom. Bridget and her team came 4th. Must do better next time. Well there is not much else to do on a dark Monday is there!

2009-03-17T17:38:00.001Z

Today has been the most marvellous day weatherwise. I have been out in the garden digging up molehills which have appeared over winter. These have to be removed before I can mow the lawns. It must be true that moles move 10 tonnes of earth a year, because every three molehills fills my wheelbarrow! Today I have moved 7 barrows full and then got puffed out. I have probably got at least 14 more barrows to do. Bloody little creatures. Well at least I don't feel guilty about not going to the gym so far this week. I paid a visit to my greenhouse today, first time this year to find the temperature 95 degrees! Had to do a bit of watering to the plants and have even got flowers coming on an orchid which has not flowered for 3 years - how's that for neglect. My website went live today for accommodation bookings. This is very scary. In a credit crunch one has to promote the business as much as possible. I wonder how long it will be before I receive a booking by this method. Just off the the cinema with a friend to see Marley & Me. Was told to take a box of tissues - great, just what I need.

2009-03-14T22:05:00.000Z

Today has been beautifully sunny. Went to a point to point where one of my horses was running. She is only a little thing but for her second time on a race track she came 5th. This is very encouraging as the trip was too short and the fences were stiff. Next time I think we will race over 3miles and somewhere in the West Country where the fences are smaller! My posh horse missed his engagement at Cheltenham and so we are aiming for Aintree. The daughter has set out for another week's skiing this time in Meribel. How jealous am I. The snow in the Alps is still pretty amazing and I am trying to sneak another week for myself. Will have to see if I can fit it in before the end of the month as my sister is arriving from the States for a two week visit. Tonight I am full up with B & B guests, and not before time, but I will have to put my best foot forward and hurry along with tomorrow's breakfast as I am off to another point to point.

2009-03-05T11:10:00.000Z

Well goodness gracious me, my horse won and fairly hot race the other day. This is the second time he has put his best hooves forward and won! Next stop Cheltenham if the heavens open between now and then. Yesterday I had my burglar alarm fitted in the outbuildings so I will not now be expecting to have stuff stolen again. I woke up this morning and everywhere was covered in snow. Snow has it's place and that's in the Alps not in my backyard. So instead of going to the gym today I now have to clear the bloody stuff up - well I suppose that's still exercise of a sort. The bookings in the B & B are fairly well non-existent, must be the credit crunch, but at least I don't have to be nice to people. I hope some Easter bookings come in soon as I have bills to pay. I am about to 'go live' and book online. This is a bit scary, but with a recession one has to cover all possibilities of getting bookings. I just hope I don't overbook. Anyway I am going to give it a go and see what happens.

2009-02-26T10:01:00.000Z

I have recently returned from skiing in Val d'Isere. I was there when the World Championships were on, not that I was competing, oh no. I took the view that the resort would be full of competitors, their side kicks, media etc. would be so busy with the event that there would not be many holidaymakers in resort or more importantly on the slopes. How right I was. The snow was amazing, the pistes were empty, and with the knowledge that I would not be taken out by some snowboarder, I was skiing better than ever. I had a great week. Now I am brought fully back down to earth. Two nights ago I had a burglary in all the outbuildings. Nothing of importance was taken but it was just a bloody nuisance. I have lived in this place for 30 years and never seen a burglar so I suppose it was bound to happen what with the credit crunch! Now I am faced with spending a load of money on burglar alarms and the like. They won't get away again.
My daffodils and coming up and the grass is growing and it will soon be time to get the mower out (the burglars left that behind thankfully). I have decided to build a summerhouse in the garden, somewhere that I can escape to when all my B & B guests come to stay. The builder is arriving in March. I wish the sun would shine as I can't seem to get motivated in the garden while the weather is so gray.

2009-01-24T00:03:00.000Z

I can't believe it has been more than 7 months since the last blog. Where did the time go? June through October I spent cooking breakfasts changing beds and doing the laundry day in, day out. No idea what happened in November. My horse was placed third in a race. No idea what happened in December. My horse won a race. Christmas came and went. New Year came and went. Horse got a virus but I am pleased to say he is over that now and should run again mid February. I am off skiing in 8 days time to Val d'Isere - can't wait. It's the week of the World Championships and no I'm not competing! There are no more bedspaces available they are all taken by skiers, spectators, film crews etc. for the races. Meanwhile all the red/blue runs will hopefully be completely empty. I will let you know. It's my birthday while I'm out there and the nightlife should be great. The snow is fantastic.

2008-06-09T21:28:00.000+01:00

It has been too hot for me today, whatever is it going to be like in Spain? I suppose in Spain I won't be rushing around like a lunatic so it will not seem hot! Last night I was watering the tomatoes in the greenhouse and there was a toad looking out at me. That really made me jump. I thought perhaps he would like a little shower, but that was clearly the wrong thing to do, he went jumping around all over the place.
After I cooked breakfasts this morning, I put a bag of tarmac in the Aga ready to fill in the holes in the drive. Yea Gods, I didn't remember it until 4.00 o'clock this afternoon! Fortunately it was just hot tarmac and the bag had not melted - lucky escape, that could have been a little tricky to clean up. Tomorrow I am having a waxing session at the beautician ready for my holidays. My legs are so hairy I could pass as a monkey Uck. No pain no gain. I hope the wax strips do not pull off my bottled sun tan I have been building with such care. It won't do to go on holiday with stripey legs.

2008-06-07T22:42:00.001+01:00

Life has been so hectic I have not had time to write up my diary. In fact for the last couple of days I can't remember what I have been doing! Today after my guests had gone out I mowed the lawn, went for snack lunch with Camilla and returned, got on the tractor and topped the fields. My toil with the knapsack sprayer has definitely paid off. I do not remember my patch looking sooooooooo good. I have noticed that with all the rain there was at the beginning of the week there are two more holes appeared in the tarmac. Will have to repair these tomorrow.
Poshy my racehorse was delivered home today by Felicity. She wanted to borrow my trailer and in return bought Poshy home. He is such a clever boy. He won me the most enormous cup this season. Sadly it is only mine for one year and then I have to give it back. Next week Foxy will go off to my trainer for evaluation. Foxy by name and definitely Foxy by nature, I fancy she will not be an easy nut to crack.
Had a BBQ tonight for friends. Home grown sirloin steaks with home grown salad - Delicious. Dig for victory that's what I say. Bollocks to Brown!