It's a New Year!

Sadly in the old year dear Charles passed away and I lost my motivation to keep my diary. I shall miss him enormously. Well my mojo is back and to see out the old year it was my turn to throw the NYE party for Gilbert and Antoinette, Esme, Reggie and Bryony and a few others. I hope everyone enjoyed it, I certainly did but it did occur to me the next morning that someone must have been topping up my glass all night, whilst I was blissfully unaware. I think the word "Zombie" comes to mind. Oh dear!
New Year Resolution - only one - to lose 1/2 stone immediately. I am not alone Emily and Camilla are both on the same kick. My needs are greatest as I am going skiing soon and do not wish to cart extra weight up the mountain because at my age the heart will give out! and anyway I cannot get into my ski pants. Emily had a few days on the mountain before Christmas and she has major weight to lose before her return next season, so she is starting NOW! Camilla has just returned from the mountains!
I cannot tell you how marvellous it is to get up in the morning and have no punters to deal with. I doss about in my P J's, download the newspapers and take at least an hour over my non existent breakfast drinking coffee but which time the caffine kick starts my day! And so it is, I shall go and feed my pregnant mares and then off I go to Emily's for a brisk walk and 30 minutes on her cross trainer. We are spurring each other on! I decided to let my gym membership lapse on the grounds that it would cost twice as much in diesel to get there each month as the membership itself. Going to Emily's is the cheaper option. I have even got my bicycle out of the garage, but it currently has a flat tyre!
Onwards and upwards!

I was sitting at the kitchen table minding my own business when I received an email from my lawyers. My little land deal has apparently NOT been concluded. I was informed that the land I am selling I do not own! They had taken my instructions over 4 months ago and planning permission was obtained. How difficult is that. I was furious and hot footed it to their offices only to find out that of course I don't own it - it was NOT the piece I was selling! Now my blood pressure was near to bursting. What has this bloody partner been doing for 4 months at £200. per hour. Luckily for her she was not in the office as her father had died otherwise she would have felt the full force of my wrath. It did occur to me briefly that the new 4 wheel drive I am about to buy would have to be down graded from a Porsche to something else! Easy come, easy go! I explained to the lawyer that both parties had no more time to wait while they sort this muddle out - myself needing to put up a post and rail fence to keep the horses in, and the other party have the demolition squad in already to remove buildings from the existing site - so we take a flyer and move on! I suppose I shall receive payment in due course, if I have not died from exhaustion in the meantime!
Families - I have 3 families in at the moment with 3,2 and 1 children respectively. I cannot say how positively ghastly this is. Today the lot with 3 kids spilt orange juice all over the table and the floor, were very noisy and flushed out the remaining guests. Then they themselves left the dining room so I cleared everything away only for them to return asking where their toast had gone! In the bin I told them! Maybe tomorrow they will all sit at the table until they've finished. The cleaner said their room looks like Dunkirk. Where have all the manners gone? I am informed this is the 21st century child. I never had any trouble with Camilla when she was small, she was the model child and we frequented posh hotels. You couldn't taken any one of my child guests near a decent hotel. Shocking!
I know this is the 21st century - you only have to look around my house. Nearly all the sockets were taken! Charging were the iPod, the iPad, the MacBook, the mobile, the bluetooth, the camera and the toothbrush. I think I must take out shares in the electricity companies.

Oh shit! I am absolutely knackered. I have been putting in 16 hour days it's no wonder myself is getting thinner. " All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". Work hard, play hard - well I am fed up with working hard but it will soon be time to play hard.
With this in mind I have been in touch with my tailor in the Emerald Isle to get myself fitted for a new coat before the winter sets in. I have booked my flights and mean to spend a few days there while he takes my measurements!
I had some guests booked in from the internet, which means they were paying top dollar. I add the commission on to take it off! When they checked in he was a bit grumpy but being so busy I thought no more about it. I had just concluded a little land deal and so my maintenance man had to go and move a water trough back 20m. I hired a little digger which he used but unfortunately he bored right through the pipe so now I have no water and the grumpy couple cannot make a cup of tea! This was just a little irritation but not of my making. Yesterday morning just after breakfast he rings the bell to tell me the shower is not working. Well is was working when the room was cleaned! I asked him if he had lifted the knob and he said he had done everything but it wouldn't work. That's all I bloody need. This internet site has a feedback page so I go the extra mile to please. I went into the bathroom with him following and tried the shower and whoosh out came the water! The power of the water went straight over my head (because I was bending over) and got him full frontal, soaked from head to foot. That will teach the bugger! So from being grumpy he was now double grumpy! They left this morning and thanked me for the stay and said they had a lovely time. Yeah right. I suppose I will have to wait for the feedback. Watch this space.
I took Antoinette out for lunch and we went to a another little beach cafe that I know. We had the moules which were positively scrumptious, sat outside with a bottle of Rose and it was just like being on our holidays in France, except we weren't in France! On our way home we called in on Victoria who has now got her little puppy - sweet.
Cynthia and Frazer are coming over from Canada next week to get their new born christened - I do hope the weather will be sunny for this special day. Today is Emily's birthday. Today she is picking up her new iPad and she has just bought a brand new bicycle with a basket on the front, for shopping! She already has a mountain bike she never uses! I told her to buy a Pashley, that's the only shopping bicycle to have - but unfortunately it doesn't have enough gears for her! She has bought a Raleigh with 17 gears - I mean how many gears do you need when you are shopping. Someone will probably nick it when she is in Waitrose.

Oh dear Oh dear. I took time out yesterday to take Camilla for her birthday lunch to my favourite beach cafe as it was a lovely sunny day. The food was sublime and we had a bottle of wine and it was all very leisurely - Bliss. All in all I was away from my gaff for nearly 6 hours. I had nobody to check in so I did not see the need to return. Big mistake. 4 hours later after checking the animals, watering the garden, doing the laundry and ironing, walking the dog etc. etc. all in an alcoholic haze I was a zombie. That will teach me. I almost missed the boat for breakfasts this morning. The alarm went off at 6.30 a.m. as usual but I went back to sleep. Holy shit I just made it for first breakfast at 7.30 a.m. I whizzed around like a lunatic did breakfasts, took money and then shot out of the door to the hairdresser. My hair looks great but it took longer than usual - hairdresser had eaten something dodgy, so one minute he was cutting my hair and the next he was in the loo! This happened 3 times! He had taken some Imodium but it was clearly not working! I whizzed back home and cleaned the bedrooms, cleaner off today and then whizzed into the dentist. He kept me waiting 20 minutes - what's all that about I am a private patient, how dare he! I was in the chair for 10 minutes and the teeth were declared very good. This happens twice a year and I have worked out that this bloke is earning over £300.00 an hour. I should have been a dentist! I raced back home and then did the laundry and thought I would visit my dear friend in the nursing home. When I got there he was on the commode so I went into the dining room and sat down to make a couple of calls. When I got up my trousers were soaking wet right through to my knickers! Bloody hell some inmate had wet themselves and now I had been sitting in it - that's all I bloody need! I washed my bum in the shower and changed into my friend's trousers which were I bit on the large side - 3 of me would get into them, and came home. This was most inconvenient as I had wanted to stop for an ice cream in the local shop but as I was now looking like a complete head case that wasn't possible! I think it was at this point I went into meltdown. I put washing powder in the dog's bowl instead of the washing bowl, I filled the kettle with cold water and poured it into the bowl instead of putting it on the Aga - I was trying to wash my trousers and pants but clearly lost the plot. At this point it was time for a glass (or two) of wine! Camilla was obviously concerned when I didn't answer the mobile so she came round looking for me! It was on charge upstairs and I didn't hear it - what's the problem?
Pressure what pressure - I have just booked a little holiday at the end of the season to Tresco - I need peace and as there is now only one hotel there and it costs an arm and a leg that should do it!

The bad news is that I am displaying Basil Fawlty tendencies - the good news is I recognise it! I seem to have a pile of idiots staying at the moment. The problem is with this credit crunch I am forced to take anyone who I would not normally take. I have a family of Pakistanis who order full English breakfasts and then do not eat them and do not know what to do with their knives and forks. Today they left their rooms at 2.00 p.m. what's all that about - `B & B' is exactly that, not hanging around in my gaff - anyway they are leaving tomorrow. I have a family complete with dog in the house! In the house, I mean, even the greyhound is not allowed up the stairs! And yes I have another family who keep knocking on my door wanting this and that. She wanted extra pillows so I asked her if she had looked in the cupboard, which of course she hadn't. It was the tone of my voice which was a bit disconcerting so I must get a grip. These people are paying for my horses - I must not lose sight of this. I have phoned the cleaner and asked if she will work extra time, which thankfully she will otherwise I will become very grumpy! Only another 8 weeks to go and then I can bugger off on holiday. Hopefully the sun will shine next week and Sybil and I can tootle off to my favourite beach cafe.
The Duchess had a runner in Deauville today, it was 4th beaten by something off a low weight She did not go because her sister's mother-in-law is having a 90th birthday party tomorrow and the Duchess is expected to be there. Why - it's not her MIL! Her sister is very tricky so she decided she had better keep the peace. If that was my horse it would be a no brainer - stuff the sister and the MIL!
I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to read a newspaper. I bought one on the way to the pub for lunch - roast pork, crackling and all the trimmings. I know it is the summer but I had this craving - that sorted I will not need another roast until the winter! Anyway the point about the newspaper is it crackles and has texture. I haven't read a paper since I don't know when, mainly due to getting the Racing Post the Telegraph and Mail online daily. Saves on time and the petrol going to the newsagent which is a 4 miles round trip. At this rate I will soon be reading books on my Ipad. Don't quite know how that is going to work when I am lying in the bath.

It is not a good idea to go walking across the farm with dog and stick in flip flops. If I am still living, breathing and mobile even when I am 100 years old I am sure I will still be picking ragwort! I set out to check on the nags and saw a bit of ragwort so I jumped over the fence and before I knew it I had covered 2 fields and had handfuls of the stuff. How does this happen I only walked the bloody fields last week! It's no good people telling me that sheep are the answer - I don't have any bloody sheep and I don't have my paddocks fenced with sheep wire, because likely as not the nags will get their feet caught up in it. Apart from that even though I say it myself, my little farm looks bloody marvellous. I phoned my cattle procurer and asked him to find me 5 or 6 dexter cattle about a year old. If it rains I will have too much grass and the nags will get too fat so I need more animals eating it. Oh this farming lark - my work is never done!
My trainer phoned - he is very pleased with number 2 horse, lovely mover. I told him NOT to phone me - usually when a trainer phones it's bad news. In future I will always phone him, otherwise I shall have a nervous breakdown expecting for bad news. No news is good news! He wanted to know if he could parade him at his Open Day being famously related to my posh horse. I told him yes, but now I need to name him and have 7 days to come up with one as he needs to be photographed and entered in the brochure. This is a problem as I have been trying to think of a suitable name for 2 years and haven't come up with one yet - the pressure's ON! What does he need a brochure for? His yard is full this season and he has overspill. Pain in the arse!
On the B & B front August is looking bleak. Credit crunch is biting. With this in mind this weekend I have filled the place to the gunnels taking anything and everything! I have had children who have daily spilt their bloody orange juice and milk all over the tablecloths. More washing. Now I have a dog in the house! In the house - I have never had a dog in the house! If the greyhound smells it she will go mental - you know, on her turf and all that. Needs must, nags to pay for! Emily and I may be sending nags to Lydia for schooling. She is coming next week to assess the situation. That means another bloody nag to pay for - it's just like school fees. Thank for lord Camilla left school many years ago - now I'm spending her inheritance until she produces me some grandchildren!
I am waiting for punters to check in as I blog - had a couple of glasses of wine and now about to have a lobster for supper - eat your heart out!

Oh my goodness - I have dropped another 2lbs! Excellent news. I have told Camilla to let me know when I start looking ghostly because too thin in persons of a certain age is not a good look! Of late I have been eating lots of shellfish with salad. Lobsters, crabs, prawns and tonight I am off with Camilla and Radley for supper at a little seafood haunt for 'Moules night'. Wednesday night is Moules night. It is a place much talked about but I have never been before.
The dressage persons have now departed and I am left having to cook breakfasts again. They all enjoyed themselves immensely and said they will be returning for the next competitions in 6 months time! Well apart from the bank balance probably looking wobbly at that time of the year - it means I will have to put the heat on! Heat costs money! Can't really ask guests to put more jumpers on can I even if they are all my NBF's.
Yesterday I had a good go in the garden pruning the roses and cutting back the debris - my arms are now scratched to bits - not a good look for going out sleeveless tonight. Have briefly been in touch with Sybil who has had American guests staying - self invited - well the cheek of it, but what else would you expect from Americans although I am sure they were very nice. I do hope they took her and George out for dinner to somewhere very, very posh for the privilege. Camilla visited and got the military vehicle and the monkey bike going. I think she wants to take the bike with her to race meetings to save her legs and it will just about fit in her car. It has a bit of a fierce clutch! I had a go and kangaroo hopped out of the yard. Too much throttle and before you know it you would have done a somersault! Off I went and on my journey, stalled it. By the time I had got it going again I arrived back later than expected - Radley was much concerned as to my whereabouts - Bless!
I received an email from Antoinette saying that our proposed excursion to Spain appeared to be off as Betty is now quite possibly coming to England for September. Just as well I had not emptied out the airing cupboard to try and find my jodhpurs, although I think I will, just to see if I can get in them, but as Emily pointed out, jodhpurs these days have come a long way from the ones we used to wear! I suppose therefore I shall be winging my way to Cornwall with the Duchess. Geraldine is playing golf, although with a restrained swing - I do hope she isn't getting beaten too many times! She is now in the process of sharing a pouch with her daughter, which I very much approve of.